Starting point is 00:00:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day tony hinchcliffe hiding right now in the basem*nt from chris cyborg this just in president trump has not responded to any of tony's calls he's ignored all of his tweets tony does not know what to do. Brian Redband is not helping. I'm trying to find the sound effect for breaking news. No, we don't need that. I'm just kidding.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Cyborg outside. Giant icons on your phone. Did you switch the size of your icons? No, no, no. I have regular size. That's us. What are those? Oh, that's why I was confused.
Starting point is 00:00:44 I was like, what? I thought you had some hack to your phone. I all of a sudden wanted that. That's how stupid people are. I see a different size icon and go, oh, it's different than what I have. I want it. I just bought a hacked Fire Stick off eBay.
Starting point is 00:01:01 A Fire Stick, an Amazon one? Yeah, it's one of those things where you have everything. Movies that are in the movie theaters. You have every single TV show. Pay-per-views, too, right? Yeah, everything you get. Well, you know what those little Amazon things, or the little Google ones, those little Google sticks? You stick them in a USB port on your your tv and you can stream something from your computer
Starting point is 00:01:26 right to that and it plays on the tv how in the f*ck does that work because like your apple tv i have apple tv it's like uh like a big mac right it's but big mac sized but this is like a usb stick it's got a little processor the same like in the cell phone in it that's amazing yeah i don't know how any of that stuff works i can can barely get the TV I have to work. It's because I was watching some fights the other day on ESPN3. I don't know if you knew this, but ESPN3 is not really a station. It's a website.
Starting point is 00:01:56 Yeah, there's ESPN1 and ESPN2. Those are both on TV. But ESPN3 is like a website. So they had glory fights on ESPN3. Got an issue here? Young Jamie's in here. There must be an issue. ESPN 3, I had to watch the fights on ESPN 3 because they were on UFC Fight Pass had glory on up until this one fight.
Starting point is 00:02:18 And then from that one fight on, it was all on ESPN 3. So I had it on my laptop. And then I said, well, oh, I don't have a f*cking Apple laptop anymore. Now I can't shoot it directly to the Apple TV. And then I found all you need is one of those little drives. You stick that sucker in your TV and it's just as good.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Oh, that's how that works. It's a little USB drive and then you can do it right from your phone to your TV. I just bought an antenna the other day just to see what local channels I can get. Holy sh*t. Stress signals. I got 112 channels.
Starting point is 00:02:52 They're all Mexican. All the white people it's just distress signals like the first episode of Fear the Walking Dead. They're like, I think I hear something. Help. It's weird. There's one channel that just plays like Johnny Carson Help! Help! It's weird. Gunshot. There's one channel that just plays like Johnny Carson in like old shows from the 80s.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Oh, good call. And then there's just like, yeah, there's Russian, Mexican, Korean. But it is weird just watching like all these free channels. Well, that was one of the things with radio. One of the things that happened with radio is in L.A. in particular, they would close down. Like when they closed down that FM talk station, there's an FM talk station. particular they would close down like when they close down that fm talk station there's an fm talk station and they closed it down and then a mexican station popped up i think what was another talk show pretty much every fm station in la is a very mexican station there's a lot of mexican like morning radio shows all of them they all sound the same there's always
Starting point is 00:03:43 like some big mexican guy and some sound the same. There's always some big Mexican guy and some little tiny guy. It's always like, 88.7 88.7 88.7 You sound Japanese. That's terrible. That was an Asian accent.
Starting point is 00:03:58 You are the worst racist ever. This is a super Mexican radio station. You're the worst Mexican of all time. Ay, ay, ay. But when I would pass by these bus stops all over LA, you'd see these billboards that were for these stations that you're never going to listen to. There's this one neighborhood that my ex-gardener,
Starting point is 00:04:19 I had an ex-gardener who used to fight chickens. He was a funny dude, man. He came over here a couple times from Mexico. He snuck over here, worked over in America, and then snuck back, and then snuck back again. Wow. What do you mean he fought chickens? He used to have chicken fights. Chicken fights.
Starting point is 00:04:34 Oh. I thought you meant he physically fought chickens. Not really him in terms of he would go, but the other people would actually fight the chickens. And it was like this thing where all the men in this community would go, and they all had these roosters. I mean, we went to this guy's place and went to check out his backyard, and he had, I don't know, 100 rooster cages. And I'm not bullsh*tting.
Starting point is 00:04:56 They were f*cking stacked on top of each other, and then they had an arena. You'd go into the arena. It was like a little barn. And it was like a little sunken-in area they had dug out and put like a little fence around. And that's where they would chuck the chickens in. And so they'd have two guys and they would handle the chickens and they'd put spurs on the chickens. So it's not just the chickens fight each other, but they put little razor blades on their feet.
Starting point is 00:05:16 Whoa. Yeah. And then they bet on who wins the fight. And then when they win, like when, you know, either one, both chickens are f*cked. Like they're essentially dead. Like maybe if you're lucky, your chicken doesn't get totally f*cked up. Are there chicken commentators? Someone like, and here we crow.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Something like that. You know what I mean? Son of a bitch. f*ck. And here we crow. You can't help yourself. You can't help yourself. You're terrible.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Bird fighting. Yeah, but it's apparently a huge thing in the Mexican community. Yeah. Help yourself. You're terrible. Bird fighting. Yeah, but it's apparently a huge thing in the Mexican community. But it's interesting. It's like, you remember when Michael Vick got in that big, horrible situation when they found out that he was killing dogs and he had dog fights and this terrible thing. He was executing dogs. That sh*t is happening all throughout the South every day. It's a huge part of their culture.
Starting point is 00:06:03 Animal fights, like dog dog fights but much more so chicken fights and chicken fights is a weird one where you call it kind of okay with it you know yeah like people people have a hierarchy of animals that they give a sh*t whether or not they're having a bad life and chickens are super low on that scale it's sort of weird that the black people have dog fights and the Mexicans have chicken fights. You would think the black people would have chicken fights because then they could just have dinner afterwards. You know what I mean? Their favorite.
Starting point is 00:06:30 Well, the Mexicans eat chickens too, dude. I don't know if you know that. Yeah, that's right. Racist son of a bitch. But my Mexicans eat the dogs. Your Mexicans eat sushi. Sushi served on a samurai sword. My ex-girlfriend used to live like in like the ghetto part of los
Starting point is 00:06:47 angeles and it was always so weird at like six in the morning how many like are you hurt like it was like a lot like that's crazy they just get used to it yeah it becomes like norm for the community right for someone to have a f*cking rooster and we were. We were tripping our balls off in Joshua Tree one night and it was like 3 or 4 a.m. The sun was not out at all and there was one rooster that in the middle of the night was like, and we were always out there
Starting point is 00:07:16 with a big group of comedians and we started f*cking dying. Riffing about this like, you know, how out of control this chicken's life is where, you know, he's such an idiot that he's balking in the middle of the night. of control this chicken's life is where you know he's such an idiot that he's balking in the middle of the night all the other chickens are like there you look who's blowing his load early over here we're all on mushrooms just dying in this premature ejacul*ting basically chicken i wonder if he was blind and he was just like didn't want anybody to
Starting point is 00:07:40 know maybe his clock's off he took a nap earlier in the day he jump the gun. Yeah. He'd be the guy who jumps the gun. He felt way too refreshed. Or maybe he felt that you guys were on mushrooms. And he's like, they're gonna eat us! These people are crazy! Or that we're on mushrooms and this will be hilarious. Oh, they'll love this. Watch this.
Starting point is 00:08:00 Three in the morning bomb. Yeah, maybe you're very present. Or maybe you guys are loud and you woke them up probably we were laughing a lot that's probably what it is that's a fun probably got pissed it's probably a dog barking right it's probably like a bunch of reasons why a chicken does that not just because they wake up but also maybe because f*ck you shut up yeah trying to sleep over here it's not bad enough I sleep with my feet on a stick. Do they?
Starting point is 00:08:26 Yeah. They perch. That's how they sleep. They climb up. We have these areas in my chicken coop where they climb up and they put their feet down. And we have other areas where they could go into a little chicken house and they could go inside and there's a little roof on the chicken house. They f*cking never use it. They don't use that. They don't want to sit down.
Starting point is 00:08:45 They want to have their feet on something. They like to grab on something and hang on. It's weird. Because they're used to perching. Like in the wild, their body is designed. We think of it as our feet. Well, if I had to hang by my hands, I'd be so f*cking tired. But their hands are so different.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Like their feet are designed for that. Like it doesn't make them tired. That's an evolutionary advantage. They can live in trees. How many chickens do you have? 23. Wow. I didn't know you had that many. Yeah, I have a gang of chickens. I eat fresh eggs every day. How many eggs is 23 a day?
Starting point is 00:09:16 Depends on the time of year. This time of year, they're making a lot of eggs because it's cold out and it's been raining. When there's less sunlight, they make more eggs. Do you throw a lot of eggs because it's cold out and it's been raining and when when there's less sunlight um they make more eggs so do you throw a lot of eggs away or do you just no no give them away give them away people yeah man but i eat a lot of them you know if there's um if there's 23 of them they might make 10 eggs a day and i probably eat five of those oh maybe six that's great yeah
Starting point is 00:09:42 i eat a lot of eggs everybody eats eggs we eat eggs and eggs are not bad for you that's a f*cking long-standing myth that someone concocted in the 1950s and there was a new york times article about it if you're really interested it's terrible but um the sugar companies for not that much money for what's like in american dollars today like fifty thousand dollars they paid off a bunch of scientists to fake these reports and write reports saying that saturated fat was causing people to have heart disease and get overweight when it was really sugar. What about cholesterol? It's not bad for you.
Starting point is 00:10:18 Not only is cholesterol not bad for you, it depends on what kind of cholesterol. There's certain types of cholesterol that people have genetic propensities for that are not good. But there's LDL cholesterol and then there's actually like different sizes of different LDL cholesterols and some of it's actually good for you and some of it's not good for you and there's HDL cholesterol.
Starting point is 00:10:35 But dietary cholesterol, like eating dietary cholesterol, doesn't move the blood lipids. It doesn't change. That's not what changes your cholesterol. It's like sedentary lifestyle and sugar and processed foods. Those things elevate cholesterol
Starting point is 00:10:52 more than eating things with cholesterol. It's very strange. And then saturated fat, we all grew up thinking saturated fat was bad. That's why you have margarine, right? Margarine is f*cking illegal now. Do you know that? Do you know trans fats are illegal now?
Starting point is 00:11:07 Do you know trans fats, in the next three years, they have to remove them from food. They have three more years to take them out of food. They gave them a grace period of three years so these companies can shift their manufacturing. What's some food that has trans fats that we all eat all the time? Chips, a lot of Doritos and sh*t. I don't know if Doritos, but Fritos.
Starting point is 00:11:24 Find us some sh*t with trans fats in it. So those are going to start tasting different soon. Yeah, if you probably don't know, it tastes as good. It might taste better, honestly. The thing is that people thought that margarine was good for you. Margarine is f*cking terrible for you. It's crazy. Unsaturated fat is bad for you.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Saturated fat is good for you. That's how f*cking stupid we are. Our whole lives we grew up with sh*tty information and a lot of it is because scientists were paid off by the sugar company there's a whole new york times article about it it's stunning you read it and you go oh my god this is like responsible for who knows how many millions of people making poor dietary choices and perhaps ruining the quality of their life ruining the amount of energy they, ruining the amount of energy they have, ruining the amount of inspiration they would have because their body was f*cking with them,
Starting point is 00:12:13 causing all sorts of premature death and diseases. And it's not an exaggeration. This is like a subject that has been like gnawing at me for years now. It's a crazy, crazy subject. Yeah. I've sort of been talking about it lately. I graze upon it in my stand-up about how fat's something that you need, and carbs, which is what makes you fat, is something that you don't need. But we call fat people fat, and that's insulting. That's why I don't call fat people fat. I call them carbs. The problem is carbs aren't even necessarily bad for you. It's sugar.
Starting point is 00:12:43 Sugar is what's bad for you. And the issue isn't carbs, because carbs with fiber, like some carbs, like Ezekiel bread, it's not bad for you. And it's just amazing, though, like the marketing of it, though. You're right because it's like you're taught that sugar is sweet and sugar is good and give your kids candy on Halloween and sugar, sugar, sugar. And then we call fat people fat. That's the part that's weird. We call fat people fat. That's the part that's weird.
Starting point is 00:13:12 Well, what's weird is if you see those photos that you saw a long time ago from like the 1920s and the 1930s, you don't see anyone fat. You see these people walking around and everyone looks slender. I mean it's super rare where you see like a Jackie Gleason type character. Sweden too. When we were in Sweden, even the pregnant women were skinny. Yeah, it's because America has let these assholes put all kinds of f*cked up sh*t that tastes great but is hugely bad for you. And they've put it all throughout our food.
Starting point is 00:13:33 And they did it when we were growing up. I mean, come on, man. We all ate Lucky Charms. We all ate Coco Puffs and f*cking... I used to love Captain Crunch. That sh*t is straight sugar. I would eat a whole bowl of that, like a giant bowl. Do you know they sell just the berries now as a cereal? Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:13:50 That's insane. They're not even going to pretend. f*ck all that crunchy sh*t. Just marshmallows and milk. No, no. Trans fats. Yes. Cakes, pies, and cookies, especially with frosting.
Starting point is 00:14:00 Oh, too bad. Those hostess apple pies, those awesome hostess pies. Microwave popcorn. Microwave popcorn. Microwave popcorn as trans fats? Frozen pizza. Holy sh*t. Donuts, fried fast foods, cream-filled candy, crackers, breakfast sandwiches. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:14:16 Breakfast sandwiches? Why breakfast sandwiches? Yeah, but what about like Big Macs? It's from the Cleveland Clinic. Not Big Macs. I mean, what about like McGriddles? Because you said that, I want one on the way home. I had one two days ago.
Starting point is 00:14:28 I want one right now. It says they typically contain at least one gram of trans fats. Take a close look at the ingredients, and you're likely to find partially hydrogenated oils in the top five. See, we used to think that that was good. Partially hydrogenated soy oil. Because it's partial. Yeah. Or partially hydrogenated corn oil.
Starting point is 00:14:45 It's just a little. Isn't that amazing? We used to think that that was good. People would prefer that. You would think you were making the healthy choice by choosing that. Motherf*ckers. It says if refrigerated or frozen dough produces a texture that seems too good to be true, it probably is. God damn it.
Starting point is 00:15:02 Yeah, you got to make it fresh. And that's probably what's in like vegan ice cream and sh*t to make it all mushy oh f*ck yeah oh yeah whatever they did to make vegan stuff good they did it because towards the end there i'm telling you the vegan stuff was pretty good oh when i was doing it like the taste of it was amazing there's a lot of really good vegan chefs out there that know what the f*ck they're doing yeah you know there's a place called follow your heart it's like this cool little place in the valley that you can go and get these um vegan pancakes they're like vegan buckwheat pancakes god damn they're good you have no idea there's no eggs in there yeah or milk there's a place at the
Starting point is 00:15:34 101 and uh barham same thing vegan pancakes that are banana blueberries and you can taste every f*cking real blueberry it's just one of those things yeah they they make some pretty decent like vegan sandwich meat type products you know but the thing about that is they're kind of processed totally i mean there's a lot of preservatives and that stuff it's just because something's vegan doesn't mean it's necessarily good for you because oreos are vegan too and i'm telling you it's very true because you know i was a vegan for five years and then my diet f*cking completely changed i mean just steak every day for lunch at some point, whether it's in a sandwich, in a bowl of pho,
Starting point is 00:16:08 whatever it is, you know what I mean? That's how you say it, right? What was the reason why you decided to make a shift? A lot of it was just like, I was just more gaunt than I am now. I just couldn't keep up. My schedule got busy and I just, it wasn't that good at it
Starting point is 00:16:23 and it's impossible to do on the road. It's impossible. And I did it. I was eating f*cking the bare minimums, like French fries. And you end up out there and you got nothing. Even if you go French fries, a lot of times that's boiled in beef fat. No, yeah, I know. All those McDonald's ones are boiled in beef fat.
Starting point is 00:16:38 Yeah, it was just a nightmare. But I mean, it was also, you know, at the time i had a really you know cool smart girlfriend who was vegan and was cooking amazing stuff f*cking vegan enchiladas once a week that were just mind-blowing and all this stuff so it was sort of easy for me and at the time you know i was just looking for anything to help and what was the day that you did it why did you do it i know you had a lot of influence we were going to a lot of great steakhouses it wasn't long after i started working with you and i'm just watching you eat a steak and then you know you had a lot of influence. We were going to a lot of great steakhouses. It wasn't long after I started working with you, and I'm just watching you eat a steak,
Starting point is 00:17:08 and then, you know, you're, you know. And I wasn't, my energy levels have completely changed. I go to the gym every day now, pretty much. You know, six, five, six days a week, and knock something out. I just wasn't like that before. But isn't it funny, but if I brought this up to you while you were vegan,
Starting point is 00:17:23 you would just be raving about how much energy you have and how healthy you are like that's one thing that people always do no matter what they're doing i mean i'm guilty of it myself when you're doing something you want to promote whatever that thing is because you want other people to do it so you start ranting and raving about how great it is and it was for a while because and i thought that it was that but it also probably had a lot to do with the timing of everything was i started making money for the first time in comedy around that very same time when i started dating that vegan girl that was the beginning of the five years of that like it was like when i started getting to do the road a lot with like jeff ross
Starting point is 00:18:00 back then and i started writing on the roast back then and i had a little bit of money and things were going good so i think that that played a little bit of money and things were going good. I think that that played a lot into my energy and just feeling good overall was being able to survive. Was the first place, did you go to Fogo to Chow or something? Is that what you did? Yeah. You guys all went? So you were there?
Starting point is 00:18:17 You saw his first bite of meat? I think I bought your meal. I was happy. It was like a holiday for me. It was awful having your friend, especially being on the road, and you just wanted to go to an awesome restaurant, and then I don't know about these options that we have here. I was never that way.
Starting point is 00:18:33 No, I was never that way. You would always make a thing about it before I did. Are you able to eat here? And I never had a problem. But it's all good. The point is that that first day, even after Fogaj De to chow remember i was like a f*cking pit bull after that like that yeah you called me up screaming yeah that night i was i hate me i'm eating beat now i'm a different person it's like what the f*ck happened to tony
Starting point is 00:18:57 it was i've never done like real steroids but i'd imagine that's exact. I felt like a f*cking animal, man. You still have, you haven't had elk yet. No, I've never. Oh my God. In the, when we set up, I'm getting a new grill, I'm getting a new Yoder grill and I'm putting my old one at the studio. And when I'm setting up at the studio, cause you know, I have, um, the freezers back there. I'm going to grill some steaks great at the studio. You got to eat it. I mean, you're, you're going to feel, you're gonna feel you're gonna feel another bump above where you're at now like i used to watch ted nugent and i'm just like where's this crazy f*cker get all his energy yeah because he's crazy as sh*t right and he's yelling and screaming
Starting point is 00:19:35 but and then he's like he's like 70 something years old and i'm like how does how does he have so much goddamn energy and then i saw his he had this uh interview once where he's cooking this steak this deer steak this is years ago it's cooking this steak, this deer steak. This is years ago. It's probably one of the things that is before I ever hunted. One of the things that put into my head the idea of hunting. And he was cutting up this piece of meat and showing like how red and dark it was and talking about how many nutrients there was in it and how much more nutritious and healthy it is than store-bought meat that has hormones in it and antibiotics and all this jazz. And I remember thinking, that motherf*cker's probably right and then the first time i ate deer meat from an animal that i shot and i was sitting there eating i was like god damn it i feel it yeah you can feel it's
Starting point is 00:20:14 like a why do you like an extra charge to it why do you think that is do you know really healthy animals yeah if you if you eat a deer you're eating a wild sprinter i mean it's a wild sprinting machine that's trying to get away from eating machines eating machines that literally want to tear it apart like that's its life it's like what was that noise if you see a deer in the wild and just constantly like what's going on over here they bounce every now and then they scare each other and then they have to f*cking chill and come back. Is there a restaurant, at least in Los Angeles, that serves deer? Like even that place in Calabasas? Why is that?
Starting point is 00:20:48 Well, you can get some places that serve it. But here's what's ironic. Most of the stuff that they serve comes from New Zealand. Most of the venison that you buy comes from New Zealand. And New Zealand's a trip, man. Because New Zealand is this gorgeous island. I want to visit New Zealand just to look around. Also because it's where they filmed The Hobbit.
Starting point is 00:21:08 You look at those scenes, those landscapes, when you watch The Hobbit, you go, my God, where is this? But it's real in New Zealand. My friend Remy is a hunting guide. Remy Warren, he's been on the podcast before. He goes to New Zealand once a year and guides people over in New Zealand. He sent me some pictures of what it looks like there. I don't even want to go there to hunt. I want to go there just as a vacation just to see what it's like because it's supposed to be just stunning to look at.
Starting point is 00:21:35 Waterfalls and everything is green and lush. But here's what's f*cked up about it. It didn't have any animals on it. These people from England came over to New Zealand and put all these animals there. So there was very little local wildlife. And the local wildlife they had was so f*cked up they wound up killing off
Starting point is 00:21:54 a bunch of them. They used to have an eagle there. I think it's called the Haas eagle that had a 14 foot wingspan. And they think it hunted people. Whoa. They think it's one of the reasons why they exterminated that thing wow yes oh my what in the f*ck how cool is that double check my math i'm pretty sure it's 14 feet long but it's way bigger than the biggest eagle we have today way bigger
Starting point is 00:22:18 it was the biggest eagle ever and there was a lot of speculation that it preyed on humans but new zealand has no predators. So New Zealand has like all these elk and deer and a lot of them are like fenced in. And then they slaughter them and send the meat back to America. They send it all over the world. Haas eagle. H-A-S-Eagle. It's an extinct eagle from New Zealand.
Starting point is 00:22:45 I think it only lived on New Zealand as far as we know. It's two two to three meters that's about three meters that's nine that's nine feet i'm full of sh*t god damn it i thought it was 14 feet i think find something else because i swear to god something said that it was bigger than that you know what we did this on the podcast before we went over this on the podcast there was an episode where i oh, I thought it was bigger than that, and then we found out other places did say it was bigger than that. Now I remember. See if you can find one that corroborates my sh*tbag memory. What should we do with this thing?
Starting point is 00:23:17 Oh, dude, I'm all vape pens these days. You don't want to smoke a... So if you don't have predators, they don't have bears or wolves? They have nothing. So these goddamn things are everywhere. And they slaughter them. They get so bad that sometimes they have to shoot them out of helicopters.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Don't they have pandas there? They overpopulate areas. So they fly over these areas and gun down these stags with helicopters and leave them to rot. What do panda bears eat? Like eucalyptus leaves? That's weird, right? Yeah, they're vegetarians, right?
Starting point is 00:23:46 Yeah, pretty much. They do a lot of raping though. Panda bears, apparently they rape the f*ck out of each other. Not pandas. I'm thinking of koalas. Koalas are the eucalyptus. We are too. It's funny that you said that because we thought that. So anyway,
Starting point is 00:24:02 New Zealand is wild game meat that you get. if you go to a restaurant and you have like elk you buy elk today most likely you're getting it from new zealand what was that one meat that you gave me one time it was cooked uh it was like the best meat i've ever had in my life that was wild boar boar yeah that was smoked boar oh my god that was i i remember thinking there's nothing i've ever tasted that was that good. Yeah, well, it tastes different than anything. I cooked it for my kids the other day, and my wife was saying while we're eating it,
Starting point is 00:24:32 sure, I'll take a hit of that, she's like, this does not taste like any other kind of meat. Because you're eating a wild animal that's struggling and surviving, eating acorns and sh*t. It was like pig times two. It was like pig, like a form of bacon. It was delicious, huh? Yeah, it was amazing. It's a dark meat. Why don't they serve that in restaurants?
Starting point is 00:24:50 Because you've got to kill them. Wow. You'd have to go out and hunt them and kill them. There should be like- But there's weird laws about that. There's weird laws in this country about wild game. And there's good laws. Because the reason why they established these laws is because in the 1800s, we had almost no animals left because of market hunting.
Starting point is 00:25:08 What market hunting is is after the Civil War and actually even before that, they didn't have refrigerators, man. And so if you wanted meat, you had to get it pretty fresh. It had to kind of be killed like within the last couple of days. And so what they would do is they would go to these soldiers who had come back from the war and really didn't have anything to do. And these guys would get hired by these meat companies, and they would just go out and shoot buffalo and elk and deer. And at a certain point in time, they had almost eradicated all of the wild game animals in this country that you know today, wild deer there was almost no deer left in the early 1800s in the early 1900s at the turn of the century you would be super lucky if you saw a deer if you went deer hunting you'd be super lucky if you saw a deer and they wouldn't be a big deer everybody just went everybody just went buck wild on them
Starting point is 00:26:00 ah i knew it was coming he prepared. There should be a subscription box service that lets you order hunting meat. No, no, no. You're getting me wrong. I just explained that. You can't sell it because of that. Market hunting wiped out all those animals because they sold them. So they made laws, established laws that say
Starting point is 00:26:19 you cannot sell wild game. So if you go to public land, and there's a good percentage of the hunting that's done, in the United States at least, is done on public land. And what that means is Freddie Roosevelt, or Theodore Roosevelt, in his wisdom,
Starting point is 00:26:36 realized that we have all this incredible land in the United States. Who's Freddie? Is he his brother? Freddie Roosevelt? You're thinking of Teddy. I know I am, but I said Freddie Roosevelt first. Franklin.
Starting point is 00:26:48 Franklin and Teddy. Yeah. Theodore Roosevelt. Was it Franklin Roosevelt? They're two different Roosevelts. No, Teddy and Theodore is the same, right? No. No, but Freddie.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Franklin. Franklin Delano Roosevelt. When was he president? right no that's the same teddy but freddie franklin franklin franklin delano roosevelt it's a different person yeah yes when was he president theodore roosevelt's the guy who set it all up anyway theodore roosevelt set up conservation for like i'm good dude 1933 to 45 which one is that franklin franklin oh so teddy Teddy Roosevelt, the original. That's why they call the teddy bear the teddy bear. He established things like Yellowstone. When you go to Yellowstone, that's all because of those guys,
Starting point is 00:27:38 the people in his era. They looked at all this amazing land and they realized, we can't let this go away. This is really important. We've got to keep this public. We've got to keep this... We've got to figure out a way where everyone can go and enjoy this and not have someone just put a fence around it and make it impossible for people to traverse. They set up all these public lands in this country that it's really rare. You don't have these
Starting point is 00:27:57 giant chunks of land that no one can buy or sell. In this country, we do. It's really, really rare in other countries. What are some of the other animals that taste good that we don't ever get to eat? Boar, elk? Boar and elk are prime. Parrot? Elk is probably the best meat you'll ever have in your life. It tastes so much better than beef.
Starting point is 00:28:18 It's just a pure meat. It's pure. And you're eating an animal that's eating what it's supposed to eat too. It's a healthy animal that's in the prime of its life. So you can really only get it if you hunt it. The only way. Or if you have a friend that's a hunter. The only way. The only way. Wow.
Starting point is 00:28:30 Yeah, the only way. It's so weird. It is weird. It's weird because that's what we should be eating. I mean, it's so un-American to not be able to buy something. No, no, no, no. You can't because we would wipe it out. Right.
Starting point is 00:28:41 It's smart. We would wipe it out. But what if a farm raised like we— No, no, no. It wouldn't be wild anymore then. Not only when they do that and they have done that they do raise wild ones or and they put them in these pens and they put fences around them the problem is deer not supposed to be eating all of the same spot and when they do they develop diseases they don't have immune systems for them so they develop something called chronic wasting disease so it was
Starting point is 00:29:02 a giant issue in a lot of parts of the Midwest where they took these animals, and this is just speculation. They don't exactly know what caused this chronic wasting disease, but it didn't exist before. These farm systems where they would grow these deer in these pens, and so they put these high fence operations up, these giant chain link fences. The deer can't get out. They're all stuck in there, and they would feed them. And when you feed these deer, they'd be eating each other's saliva and they would develop all these diseases they never developed before
Starting point is 00:29:29 because they were grass eaters they're supposed to be out there eating wild vegetation that's what they're supposed to be eating sage and grasses and all the different things that you see like you know when you see a buffalo roaming in a field that's what they're supposed to be eating man but we in our wisdom have realized, we can get these f*ckers fatter if we just stick them in this thing and make them eat corn. And so that's what f*cked up our food in this country. It's the same thing that f*cked up
Starting point is 00:29:53 the production of processed foods with all the sugar. It's the same goddamn wisdom. I don't think we're far away, though, for having cloning food. Being able to like, hey, we can make food nowadays. No, they can do it now. It's really expensive, but they can do it. Yeah. Do you think, though, it's not far away that where you could actually buy a certain – like you go to the grocery store, this is fake food, but you can buy like boar and all the game?
Starting point is 00:30:16 It probably won't taste the same for the same reason why a cow doesn't taste the same if it eats grass. Like if you give a cow grass, it becomes this different animal. If you give a cow corn, it this different animal if you give a cow corn it becomes this fatty lighter colored animal a lot of people think it's more delicious a lot of people like that better they like corn fed better include anthony bourdain he likes the corn fed beef you know he really does he does i really like a fatty steak but he's also a chef you know he knows how to cook it perfectly and how to manipulate that fat and marble it perfectly or cook it perfectly rather.
Starting point is 00:30:49 You've gotten to hang out with him, huh? Yeah, a couple times. I went hunting with him. Does he love his life as much as I think he should? He has the best job in the world according to him. Did you guys have a best job in the world off with each other?
Starting point is 00:31:04 No, no, no. It seems like you two would. Well, it wouldn't. You're like two of the only people that I know that really, really seems like you guys should. I mean, I know you do. I don't know him, but I've always hoped. Like, man, I hope he f*cking knows that what he's doing is everybody's dream job. Oh, for sure.
Starting point is 00:31:19 He knows. And I know, too. I definitely know that I have dream jobs. But my dream job is different than his dream job. Right. We just both have dream jobs. But you guys found your own dream jobs is what I'm saying. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:28 Oh, for sure. Yeah. Like his dream job absolutely 100% is doing what he does. He f*cking loves it, man. And he's also like super into jujitsu now, which is really weird. So everywhere he goes, he's more into jujitsu than I ever was. He trains every day. Every f*cking day.
Starting point is 00:31:44 I never trained every day. Wasn't his lady? But they got divorced. But they're super good friends. They just lived separate. He's on the road all the time. But they have a kid together and they're really close and they raise the kid together. It's not a bad situation at all. He's a great guy.
Starting point is 00:32:01 He's a very, very, very smart guy. And very real guy you know he's very i mean he just found something in jujitsu and just pursued it and he's getting a reward out of it and he chases it down he's like he goes to these places man he's just sucking this world up you know yeah whether he's in jamaica or china or anywhere he's going he's just sucking these places up he's just pulling them in and writing about them and talking about them and experiencing them. And you get that from the show. Yeah. It's a f*cking powerful show, man.
Starting point is 00:32:30 It really f*cking is because he's somehow able to really tap into that culture as fast as possible. I go, well, whoever those producers are that are doing like, you know, there's a whole thing that has to go into that. It's not like Anthony's calling places in Cuba. You know know what i mean so whoever's producing that and doing that research and he makes every little bite yeah look unbelievable his company's called 0.0 and they're the same company that produces meat eater the same show or a same production company that uh produces those two amazing shows so they know what the f*ck they're doing. They make great stuff. It's amazing.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Yeah. And again, for him, that's his dream job. Me, I'd be like, get me the f*ck out of here. I'm home. I don't like traveling that much. I mean, I travel plenty. And I'm home for a lot lately. I'm home more now than ever before.
Starting point is 00:33:19 And I like it a lot better. And I'm not working less. I'm working just as much. I'm getting a lot of sh*t done. But all that air travel and all that stuff, sh*t that is bullsh*t yeah you're working smarter yeah but i just realized like there's a way to do this and another thing that helped f*cking tremendously is coming back to the store because i'm working on sh*t all the time i did four sets here the other night on last thursday i did four sets and i'm like i can do four sets here the other night on last Thursday I did four sets and I'm like I can do four sets on a Thursday night at the same goddamn club I don't need to go anywhere like I do eventually I mean I do like to do the road I do like to but even the road like when I'm doing the road
Starting point is 00:33:54 I'm doing less theaters than ever because I'm like uh I have more fun at clubs like it's I like 300 people that's what I like you get more work done by doing more sets exactly you get more work done by doing more sets. Exactly. You get more work done by doing more sets, but also the experience. You're not going to get as much money, but the experience is a different experience. It's a better experience. It's more fun. It's more stand-up. You're connected to those people.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Whereas those theaters, a lot of it is really fun. New Year's was a f*cking blast, right? Yeah. But a lot of it is a show. It's a big ass show. Big lighting change. Thousands of people there, you know? A lot of it you're paying for that pop that happens when the lighting change happens and the show's about to start.
Starting point is 00:34:37 You know what I mean? Well, you're just paying for all that energy. Because you don't get that. You get always a cheesy thing usually at a comedy club. Coming up next week at the Juggle Hut. You know what I mean? Almost every decent club. Parking validation available. They always have weird announcements.
Starting point is 00:34:52 Is there a Juggle Hut, by the way? There must be. I don't think so. That would suck, because that's like the bunt of everyone's jokes. What do they say? Everybody says, Uncle f*cker's Juggle Hut, right?
Starting point is 00:35:01 That's what everybody says. I don't know. I've just always, Juggle Hut is like what I picture the worst comedy club to sound like. Yeah, man. Those things are so important, though. Without those clubs, I've had this conversation with club owners before to give my thanks. Because I think there's a lot, there's a combative relationship that happens between a lot of
Starting point is 00:35:23 comics and club owners. You know, oh, they're trying to f*ck us. Because everybody has a story, right? Everybody has a story where a club owner f*cked you over or something happened. Everybody has a story. And so in the beginning, it's hard to get booked. So you develop this sort of contentious relationship with them in the first place because they don't want to use you because you're not really that good. Then things start going for you, and then you start selling tickets.
Starting point is 00:35:47 And then you think they're not giving you enough because you sell too many tickets then eventually you realize somewhere along the line i think hopefully eventually i did at least that you f*cking need those people like without them there's no art form like we need a place to practice this isn't like music this isn't like writing like we have to go in front of those f*cking people. We're not going to do it ourselves. Especially the funny ones. You think Louis C.K. is going to open up a comedy club?
Starting point is 00:36:13 Bill Burr? Bill Burr going to open up a f*cking laugh factory? No. Are you? You going to open up a comedy club? No. No. No one is. So you need those f*cking people. Yeah. It's crazy because like you know without and it's also amazing how each club has their own different vibe and totally different dna there's no i mean other than the improvs which you know are the improvs and that's like a super corporate
Starting point is 00:36:39 structure yeah figure out a way to make them all feel the same and i don't think that's it and i don't like that i mean it's okay i enjoy my time in the southern california improvs when i perform there but like here's the thing though it's not bad it's not a bad feeling like if you go to do the tempe improv even though it feels like all the improvs it's a f*cking great club yeah same thing with all of them they figured out how to do it right because you go to every place it's almost all the same experience it's a good experience yeah and then it just they leave it up to the stand-up so they have everything down in between but it feels very different than say if you go to zany's in nashville exactly that's a club that's been in that form for 30 years or something like that it's an amazing spot there's
Starting point is 00:37:19 ancient headshots in the world on the wall where half the people are dead yeah you know love that club that's a different vibe right or the ice house that's a totally different vibe that's a non-corporate vibe that's like a holy sh*t look at this gym you know i love that place so god's the best zany's in chicago oh portland helium denver comedy works all those places helium in philly yeah yeah all those clubs are like these almost like a mom and pop organization if you had to look at it that way. Because they're a small business. It's a small business that caters to live comedy. Without it, we're f*cked.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Look what happened in Houston. The Laugh Stop and River Oaks closed down in Houston and so did the scene. I mean, I know there's some guys out there and I don't want them to feel bad that I'm sh*tting on. I'm not sh*tting on Houston. There's a lot of great comics that came out of there. You know, a lot of our friends came out of there, Maddie Kirsch. Um, but what happened was they had this powerful f*cking scene. It was like, uh, everybody thought about, you thought about LA, you thought about New York, you thought about Boston and San Francisco and you thought about f*cking Houston. Houston was a real scene, man.
Starting point is 00:38:26 They had Kinison and Hicks. And it was like they had a whole thing going on. And when we came along, I came along and I started working there in the late 90s. And it was still echoing. It was like Hicks was dead. Kinison was dead. But there was like this bong, just the last reverberations of the echoes of that crew, Jimmy Pineapple and all these guys that came through with him and the outlaws of comedy that they used
Starting point is 00:38:52 to call themselves. And they were like looking for the next ones. Was there an Austin scene back then? Yes, there was, there was always a scene, a very smart scene. Austin's always been thought of as like a smart place you know like because the university's there and it's like a real liberal town a smart town the velveta room came along i don't know when they were when did they start out i tell you what though houston's got a new up and coming uh that new club that opened up the secret group yeah when did they open up uh just this year we excellent
Starting point is 00:39:20 yeah it was amazing they did an entire festival in like it's this multi-roomed like super warehouse and they have an outdoor parking lot and they put a huge outdoor tent so we were doing like kill tony in one room while joey you know sold out big ass warehouse like a f*cking rave version of kill tony and outside in this big open field under a huge tent joey diaz just f*cking destroyed i mean this place has so many rooms and i i believe it's a bunch of comics that got together and bought it yeah so they have a club too it's called the secret group see that's perfect and then with a bomb ass huge green room in the middle like off you know but everybody's going to do there's different shows different
Starting point is 00:40:01 rooms that sort of proves my point you need a club yeah. Because the Houston scene, they opened up an improv there. But you know with improvs, the same thing we were talking about. It's a corporate environment. It's a totally different thing. You're not going to have a bunch of people hanging around. They probably don't have an open mic night. If they do, it's probably not that big of a deal. It's hard to get work.
Starting point is 00:40:19 One of the things about the really good places is you can actually start out there and then work. You know, like comedy works. Like Wendy has a whole system. You start out there and then work you know like comedy works like wendy has a whole system you start out there as a open micer you develop your act then they let you mc on shows they teach you how to bring people up they teach you how to middle then you learn how to headline and then all of a sudden you're on the road like you can actually become a comic and you can get paid there she has like local headliners that that started out in her club that'll come down there and do a week and sell tickets. People know who they are, people in the town. She's a beast. Yeah, man. You need a club, man. You need a club and you need club owners. Look at this place. Yeah. The greatest of all
Starting point is 00:40:55 time. We've got to paint this room black because we're going to do more of these. We're going to paint these room black and I'm going to put blue LEDs behind the comedy store like a Mexican's low rider. You know how they have those things lit up? I tell you what, you know Hue? I think it's Philips Hue. You can get a lot of light bulbs and then control it with apps and change all the different colors. They have the new Lightster Pro 2s
Starting point is 00:41:16 which are so bright but it can change any color you want. You just sit there and go, I want it purple behind the comedy store right now. It's great. Check it out. I think it should be blue, though. Make it anything you want. If you have a black wall with the red behind it, it's got that red pop on it.
Starting point is 00:41:33 That's the move, right? That's the light. Maybe we put the light on when we're going to end the podcast. That's like the red light. Oh my god, the light is on. We found it. we found it that's it that's what we're gonna do okay so that that sign we'll put a red led light behind it we're gonna paint this whole room black and we got to get rid of the interrogation lighting yeah
Starting point is 00:41:55 this is like tell me the codes this is verse 48 this is that room where people f*ck up don't talk even when they're guilty i'm like keep your mouth shut why do i feel like some guy's gonna walk in and put a cigarette out of my forehead right now whenever i watch those videos you're gonna tell the damn truth son i always watch those videos and i hope those guys lie i hope they do a good job i'm like come on you can get out of this that's what you get out of you know i mean did i tell you this that i've been watching those videos lately real interrogation videos like it's interesting as f*ck to me. Oh, yeah. Because either they break or they don't break.
Starting point is 00:42:29 Yeah. And, you know. Very rare they don't break. But when they don't break, you have to be really worried. But it's also. Because those are f*cking sociopaths. That's exactly the interesting thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:36 It's like when they don't break, you're even more amazed. Like, oh, you evil motherf*cker just able to stay so calm. You got to look some of these up, man. Well, my favorite is when they admit to a little bit of a lie, and then they have to correct their story. And then you see them like four hours later, and they just beat these dudes down. They keep talking to them hour after hour after hour,
Starting point is 00:42:57 which should be, by the way, totally illegal. Because you leave me in a room for f*cking six hours. If I think that I'm'm gonna get to a bed in six hours i'll start confessing to sh*t like that's what people do like yeah okay i f*cking stabbed him can i go to sleep now like my plane uh yesterday got stuck on the tarmac in san francisco was it delta yeah it was but as it had nothing to do with delta it was like there was a ground stoppage for the first time in a very long time at lax which means any flights that are about to leave from anywhere automatically delayed until further notice because they were because of weather they were at full ground stoppage
Starting point is 00:43:33 and about the interrogation thing i'm on the tarmac the delay was four hours and i was literally fighting back tears i was breaking as a Yeah, you were crying about the rain. You were upstairs crying about the rain during Kill Tony. We've had a massive drought. People are dying. There's no water for the babies. Nobody's dying. I have an issue.
Starting point is 00:43:55 Nobody's dying from this drought. Do you know how many people died just yesterday from hurricanes? Yeah. 18. Tornadoes, too. Yeah, maybe tornadoes. Maybe tornadoes, not hurricanes. One of those. Yeah, Atlanta. Atlanta got f*cked Maybe tornadoes, not hurricanes. One of those.
Starting point is 00:44:05 Yeah, Atlanta. Atlanta got f*cked. Hurricanes, they know. It's coming. If you get f*cked up by a hurricane, either you're really poor or you're really stupid. Yeah. Right? But if you get f*cked up by a tornado, you just got sh*t luck.
Starting point is 00:44:16 They said that 18 people died in Atlanta or whatever that was, but I looked it up and like 12 of them or 16 something, there was a very high number of the people were all at one trailer park that basically just got like squished wow yeah i thought the stat was crazy because it was like whatever i'm in i am just trying to guess here but out of the 18 people that died in atlanta 12 of them is my final answer on the gas all from the same trailer park and i was thinking like what the f*ck had to happen in this trailer park i I didn't really get to figure it out. They didn't have much detail. There's been some towns. I want to say Jasper, Missouri.
Starting point is 00:44:49 Maybe that's one of those towns that was literally wiped off the map by tornadoes. Tornadoes came in like a gigantic eraser. You're talking about hundreds of yards wide and just destroyed everything, just cleaned the entire top off. Killed everyone that was there. Just threw the buildings through the air. There was nothing left. Annihilated the whole town. There's a before and
Starting point is 00:45:13 after photo. It might not be Jasper. I forget what the name of the town is. It's probably Oklahoma or Kansas City. That's why it's... That sounds about right. It's all in that same area. There's definitely a belt. Why am I saying Missouri though? Why am I saying Jasper, Missouri? I don't know. I might be right. Jasper. Wherever the f*ck it was that this happened, whatever this town was, I had no idea.
Starting point is 00:45:31 I thought they would come down and just f*ck up a few houses. I never knew they occasionally killed the whole town. Twister was on at the hotel the other day. Remember that movie? That was so stupid. No, it was f*cking cool, man. It does not hold up. It was pretty entertaining to me. are you very high i'll tell you this there was one part which i noticed in which i'm
Starting point is 00:45:50 like go f*ck yourself there was a part there's a member the part where helen hunt gets out when all the balls drop out of the machine she's like no go ahead i'm gonna put the balls back in the machine there's literally like an f5 tornado right next to that. So stupid. Embarrassing. There are parts in old movies that just wreck it all now. That one scene is so unbelievable now for some reason that it ruins the whole entire movie. Yeah, no, it wasn't Jasper. Yeah, it was a... Oklahoma? Yeah, it was an F, category five hurricane.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Those F5s are the ones. Catastrophic damage. Yeah. I was sos are the ones. Catastrophic damage. Yeah. I was so obsessed with and afraid. I was deathly afraid of tornadoes when I was a kid. There was a whole period for a few years where... Okay, it's Joplin. Joplin, Missouri. That's where I
Starting point is 00:46:36 f*cked up. But look, that's the town. Whoa. Not Jasper, Joplin. If you look at it, there is nothing. It is annihilated. It's f*cking crazy. And that was an F5? That was as high as it gets,
Starting point is 00:46:52 I think. Is that as high as it gets? Yeah, F5's the one. 2.2 billion dollars in damage. Holy sh*t! 2.2 billion dollars in damage. That is insane. Did you see that house for sale in Los Angeles? It's like the most expensive house ever.
Starting point is 00:47:08 Oh, is that the one in Bel Air? That's like 500 million bucks? And it comes with a helicopter and a classic car collection. I don't know if it comes with that. It does, I promise you. Really? Yeah. Jamie could tell you.
Starting point is 00:47:19 It comes with a helicopter. It's not a real house, though. Look at this town. It's a house because it's got all the things that are a house, but's not made for people to live in it's like a party place so it's for someone who doesn't want to live here yeah i come for one weekend i mean how many bathrooms does it have as like 26 bathrooms in one time bring the bitches oh my god isn't it weird that a car survived but not the whole town it's incredible it looks like for those of you that can't see the image of joplin it looks like the inside of old uh pencil sharpeners yeah i
Starting point is 00:47:53 mean it's like just sticks it's insane this house comes with a 30 million dollar car collection too 30 million dollar car collection a bargain so then what's that number for? It doesn't make any sense. They're saying like, how much for a weekend? It also comes with seven full-time staffers to help tend the two massive... You own them? You own them? I own the staff? I can f*ck.
Starting point is 00:48:16 Yes or no? I can f*ck the staff? I want to f*ck staff. Get me a staff I can f*ck. Yeah, there's definitely gotta have some hookers can you Airbnb what's the Airbnb
Starting point is 00:48:27 on this place for the night a lot too much for you stuff comes with all the puss* you want Tony spent the rest of his money
Starting point is 00:48:36 on one night one night at the Airbnb Dubai what is that Dubai Airbnb because there's dudes out there that are balling so hard we don't know about it.
Starting point is 00:48:46 There's some royal family members that are worth trillions of dollars. Did you know that? When you hear about the richest man in the world, you're like, wow, what's it like to have 90 billion? That's not the richest man in the world. It's not. The richest man in the world is a guy that you don't even know. Those oil dudes. Those dudes in Saudi Arabia and theia and the middle east that you know
Starting point is 00:49:06 oligarchs these they they have monarchies they have these f*cking gigantic piles of wealth that you can't even wrap your brain around trillions trillions thousands of billions really have you you know this oh i know this yes man thousands of billions do you know the story of the sultan of dubai a sultan of brunei rather no sultan of brunei um he would bring in gals and uh pay them like fifty thousand dollars a month just come on down and they would go for a few months make a quarter million bucks then fly home and get all this jewelry and diamonds and sh*t,
Starting point is 00:49:47 and one little hooker ruined the whole party. But she was, they caught her with a laptop. She was writing stories about it. She wanted to write a book about her experience. So this dude,
Starting point is 00:49:57 this is what he would do. He had a disco in his house, in one of his many houses, and he would have it filled with all these girls that were making who knows how much money, just tens of thousands of dollars. And he would come it filled with all these girls who are making who knows how much money just tens of thousands of dollars and he would come out in his f*cking gold underwear
Starting point is 00:50:09 and just in slippers and just slide across the room like he was in that scene with tom cruise what's that movie risky business yeah he slides in he'd slide in like that in his gold underwear and just go eeny meeny min, moe and just pick one out. And just f*ck the sh*t out of him. And then the next day, do the same thing. And he'd do whatever he wants. And that chick wrote the story on it. One of them did. Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:36 And he was like, so what? I'm going back home. Is that him? That's really him? That's like Pat Reagan. He does the eeny, meeny meeny miny mo that guy that guy's totally covered in gold look at him that guy's worth more money than you can i be one can i be one of these girls oh my god go away for 50 i'm doing a gig in dubai guys for a whole month you just want to be the court jester go over there and crack some jokes man that's f*cking
Starting point is 00:51:01 crazy now you think he wears a condom? No. No condom, right? Shut up. Why would he do that? Yeah, exactly. He's just shooting loads into these gals. But then again, he's opening himself up for possible disease.
Starting point is 00:51:16 I wonder if they have to get tested. I bet he gets them tested. He puts them in catapults and shoots them in the air. What is that? A giant throne. One of them, probably. Look at his throne. Oh, my God god that's insane look at him sit there and he's covered with this thing that looks like something that belongs
Starting point is 00:51:30 inside the pyramids it looks like a sunglass hut in glendale everything is gold dude you understand that that's real gold like everything is gold plated everything real gold plated everything everywhere you look gold gold gold gold, gold, gold, gold. That's his car, gold. That looks like it's cookies. It's a cookie car. You mean a cake? Like a cake for your birthday? Dude.
Starting point is 00:51:56 And that's all from oil money. They have a different kind of money, man. It's a different level of money. See, we have this idea that Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, get the f*ck out of here. Those guys are broke. They're broke in comparison to this dude. Donald Trump's worth $4 billion. That f*cking guy is laughing. If you gave
Starting point is 00:52:14 him only $4 billion, he would start crying. If he found out all he has left is $4 billion, he'd go, what? What? No! He would fall to his knees. He'd think, how has god cursed me yeah with only four billion dollars his plane has that a virtual floor so you can see what you're flying over of course it does of course it does hashtag balling wow hashtag balling out of control like our ideas of wealth
Starting point is 00:52:42 of catastrophic wealth we we are so sheltered from the true catastrophic wealth because if we were really exposed to it and we really understood it and then we understood where it came from we'd understand what the f*ck is going on in the world and how bizarre the system of government we have that supports this and and allows this kind of sh*t to happen let me ask you a question please do you're hanging out one day all of a sudden your phone rings, right? You're sitting there cutting up some elk and some jalapenos and you're slicing up some
Starting point is 00:53:09 avocado late night. Your phone rings and all of a sudden you hear, hello Joe, it is me, the Sultan. I heard you talk about the podcast and I wanted to invite you over to Saudi Arabia. I'll send a plane. First of all, how many Ferraris do you have really? Because I heard you have 150 Ferraris.
Starting point is 00:53:27 How many Ferraris does he have? He might get mad at me for saying only 150. It probably might be a thousand Ferraris. For real, he's got one of the most ridiculous car collections the world has ever known. Would you go visit him if he sent a plane for you?
Starting point is 00:53:41 He's like, I want to fly you out for a week. I got reported over 300 Ferraris. 300 Ferraris. Come out. We'll drive my Ferrari. We'll do a podcast even. I'll play it on the truth. I would love to, but I got a podcast with Bill Burr.
Starting point is 00:53:55 I can't. Okay, well, not. How many? 300 Ferraris? He's got over 5,000 cars. Wow. It's reported over 300 Ferraris. Damn.
Starting point is 00:54:06 He probably bought 300 new ones. Jay Leno just killed himself. If you listen closely. Dude, Jay Leno's place is a f*cking riot. Yeah, right. If you get a chance someday, and one day you get to be on Jay Leno's garage, if you get a sick car, get a custom car, something like that, take it. Just to go there.
Starting point is 00:54:26 Or next time I go, come with me. It's right in your neighborhood, man. Burbank Airbus. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. He has 11 buildings, warehouses filled with cars. I thought it was like a warehouse. I thought like Jay Leno's got this cool collection. It's a warehouse.
Starting point is 00:54:41 It's filled with cars. No, it's 11 warehouses. And he can just jump in one and start it, and you're driving it. Everyone works. They have mechanics. There's mechanics everywhere. They take care of everything. The whole thing, every car is functional, and he drives them all the time, including these 1903 tractors.
Starting point is 00:54:58 He put these things. They have metal wheels. They didn't even have tires. So he had rubber put on the outside of the metal so he could drive them on the street and got them registered. They're death traps. There's no way it can stop. There's no way it can take a corner. I mean, it's the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in the world, but he drives it.
Starting point is 00:55:16 He drives all his cars around Burbank all the time. You always see him like in a fire truck or in like a lollipop. It's got to be crazy for him seeing Seinfeld doing comedians and cars getting coffee. And he's like, I really missed an opportunity on that one you know I'm just like he's doing that like what he's doing is better what he's doing is better I don't want to say it's better but his show is really about the car
Starting point is 00:55:36 whereas Seinfeld is like the car is just like a set where the comic you know where Ricky Gervais can pretend that he's laughing hysterically it's a prop you know what I mean whereas with Jay Leno Where the comic, where Ricky Gervais can pretend that he's laughing hysterically. It's a prop. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:55:52 Whereas with Jay Leno, I brought my Corvette on Jay Leno's show. Dude, that guy f*cking loves cars. I mean, he's going over every little inch of the car. We're talking about this. We're talking about that. You see this glint in his eyes. He's talking about suspensions and tires and wheels and what kind of power steering you're running and what are you doing for the interior, the bolsters in the seats. Are these stock?
Starting point is 00:56:12 These are custom. Where are these coming from? He does that with every car, man. He f*cking loves cars. So for him, it's not even about being funny. He doesn't give a sh*t if a whole show goes by where he doesn't crack a single joke. He'll just talk about cars. I know. I've seen him host the tonight show
Starting point is 00:56:26 you son of a bitch you son of a bitch that was always more of a letterman guy he's way better doing this than anything he's ever done that's great and he and i had a conversation about it you know and he was like really honest about it he talked about it on my podcast too he's like you know i i used to have these people on, and I didn't give a f*ck about what they were doing. I didn't know the band. He's like, f*ck, I'm 57 years old. I didn't know this band.
Starting point is 00:56:53 I don't know this band. He's like, I didn't care, but that's the job. The job was to be friendly, have these people out. He goes, now, he goes, I'm talking about what I love. These cars are, he loves cars, man. You bring that guy a car, and, you know, you know, especially like a Hot Rod or something like that, he just gets this spark in his eye, man. He just walks around them. He just has a, almost as much as he has a love for comedy, I don't know if they're the same level, but it's like right about, he might love cars more.
Starting point is 00:57:20 He really do. He might love cars more. Do you think he should dye his hair black? I don't give a f*ck, dude. He's wearing jean shirts. He's worth $100 million. Just for like a year. Oh, f*ck.
Starting point is 00:57:30 He's got like 11 cars that are worth more than a million dollars. Man. They're all over the place in his f*cking garages. It's crazy. He's got these old Lamborghinis and sh*t, these old Ferraris. You look at him, you're like, what? He's got a car with a jet engine. Wow.
Starting point is 00:57:47 And is it true, like, what about the, did I hear that he doesn't spend his Tonight Show money? Exactly. It's all from stand-up. Doing corporate gigs. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:57:55 It's all corporate gigs. Oh. You gotta think, a guy like that, the f*cking host of the Tonight Show, if you do a corporate gig, you can make like a ton of money like i don't think people understand he's probably making hundreds of thousands of dollars
Starting point is 00:58:10 a gig they're flying him out there in a private jet he does the gig he comes back he does the tonight show so he would leave the tonight show the tonight show tapes during the daytime he'd be done he'd fly somewhere on his private jet do some ridiculous corporate gig make hundreds of thousands of dollars and fly right back and then do it again and do it again and do it again. And he's making millions of dollars a month doing that. Burbank Airport. Balling! Jay Leno's
Starting point is 00:58:33 balling! Man. When I had him on my podcast, he swore. He was telling crazy stories about when he worked with the mafia and mafia people were threatening guys' life, these mobsters. It was hilarious. Did he ever hang out out with the Sultan I don't think so he never never put the slippers on the golden underwear figure out how to make friends with this guy I want to ride around in a gold car you think you do
Starting point is 00:58:56 yeah you don't want to be friends with somebody that's that powerful because if you f*ck up or you do something wrong then you have somebody that powerful that's your enemy yeah I there's this guy named Ikea or whatever his name is that owns this whatever this thing and I got scared why would you say his name before hit me other disc I've talked about it on Joe Rogan before remember we used to do a show with him. Remember that really rich guy that had that... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not mention it. But it was scary because after a while,
Starting point is 00:59:30 you're like, you don't want somebody that is going to troll you for life that is that powerful and rich. And that's what it felt like with this guy. Oh, if I get on his side where I become like a Baba Booey or some kind of Howard Stern guy, and he could just like f*ck with me for the rest of my life. Kind of like what they're
Starting point is 00:59:48 doing upstairs at the Ding Dong show right now with Perry. They're saying that Don's dead right now and they're f*cking... He is dead though. What if Perry hears this and you f*ck him? He doesn't know internet. Listening to the live stream right now.
Starting point is 01:00:04 Well listen dude, you wouldn't be that guy. You're the whole thing up. He doesn't know internet. Listening to the live stream right now. Well, listen, dude, you wouldn't be that guy. You're not that f*cked up. You know what I mean, though? I don't necessarily know what you mean, but I do know what you mean. I just don't think you're describing it in the best way. But yeah, don't make an enemy out of a crazy rich dude. Like a super powerful guy. They're almost scary to even know.
Starting point is 01:00:20 Got it. I wonder what else the Sultans do for fun, though. You know what I mean? We get it. I'd love to know what that is like i get the like i mean i'm just saying if he f*cks on that level of eeny meeny miny f*cking mo then what else is he doing for fun on that level that we can't imagine because that's how he f*cks so how does he eat you know what i mean like imagine what he must walk into yeah well you know if his, if everything really is gold like that, his meals must be f*cking spectacles.
Starting point is 01:00:51 Must be wild. Uncomfortable cherries, I bet, though. I bet he's got boar and elk just stacked to the ceiling. I wonder what they eat. Who knows, man? Lobsters. Anything they want, you know? I bet it's one of those things where
Starting point is 01:01:05 he probably has food shipped to him every day so he gets to choose what he wants and it's always fresh and they just get rid of what he doesn't eat i bet it's one of those deals because i bet when when you have that kind of money you would probably want to have like a full menu where you could pick from whatever you want even if it was just you eating alone. He's probably one of those guys. So they have to fly in fish and lobster and meat. He's probably vegan. Why would you say he's vegan? I don't know. He just seems like he would
Starting point is 01:01:34 be vegan. Why would you think that a guy who f*cks all those girls and lives in a gold palace would be vegan? Because you think he'd be all earthy and spiritual? Because he can afford it. Most people can't afford a healthy lifestyle lifestyle it's not a healthy lifestyle yeah it's expensive to be vegan they keep this guy pretty low-key though huh um well he keeps himself low-key particularly now after that uh whole thing with that girl writing those that article or the book or whatever the f*ck she
Starting point is 01:02:01 was trying to write after ramadan they have a three day i don't know if you would have called a festival or something but they allow it says that 30 000 locals and visitors arrive each day to banquet at the royal family's palace wow 30 000 feasts for the locals i suppose after ramadan so he's muslim so he probably eats things that are halal so he he probably eats a lot of meat, whatever the f*ck he wants. They have restrictions, so I don't think he's allowed to eat pork. So he's probably not eating boar. See, they came up with all that stuff, though, back when people were getting diseases, man. Pigs, they eat whatever the f*ck they want.
Starting point is 01:02:39 They eat everything, including each other. So they probably came up with that stuff. Like those religious rules about pork in particular that's almost definitely related to disease and illness you know doesn't make sense that jews and muslims all have that in their in their religion that you're not supposed to be eating pork what do you think about this like trump uh taking the tower the u.s government to israel have you heard about that? What?
Starting point is 01:03:07 You know when we have bases in other countries? He's going to put a base in Israel? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, and that's something that presidents have been scared to do for a long time. Palestine's pissed. Is that true, Jamie? Sorry, I just read something that just said at the end of the
Starting point is 01:03:24 feast, everyone gets a cake. But he also inserted a clause into the Constitution that proclaims, quote, he can do no wrong in either his personal or any official capacity. That's in his Constitution. He gave him a cake, man. What the f*ck do you want? He can do no wrong. Wow. So you can do whatever he wants. So he has a clause in their Constitution that he can do whatever he wants so he has a clause in their constitution that he could do whatever he wants what does it say become an art constitution uh trump's plan to move the u.s embassy to jerusalem jerusalem we can't even talk how are you talking jerusalem welcome to jerusalem are you drunk say that again, Brian? No. Struggling with the words.
Starting point is 01:04:06 Jerizium. Jerizalism. Yeah, I mean, that's just it. That's a weird word, though. Jerusalem. Jerusalem. Jerusalem. I can't even say it.
Starting point is 01:04:14 They used to have some crazy-ass words. Mesopotamia. Yeah. Jerusalem is a... Jerusalem. That's where... Stop and think about that. Like, how about Czechoslovakia?
Starting point is 01:04:24 Why do you have to use so many noises? They do that in Poland. In the Polish areas. But why? Welcome to Lithuania. Whoa, slow down. Why did you name your place that? This is your spot?
Starting point is 01:04:39 The noise I make for my spot? I mean, think of what they think. We don't know what Lithuania means, but think of what they hear when we't know what lithuania means but think of what they hear when we go the the united states of america like they're probably like listening to these blubbering idiots well they need to talk to me and i'll just go america where are you from america where are you from chukka hey man name sounds funny. How come your name's so long? How come y'all decided to put all those f*cking sounds in your name?
Starting point is 01:05:08 Greedy-ass sound user. Sucking up all the sound. Attributing it to your patch of dirt, huh? How big is this Czechoslovakia? That's it? That little tiny-ass thing with that big old f*cking name? That's the problem, man. A lot of them are real little.
Starting point is 01:05:23 How big is Czechoslovakia? Is that a big spot? Maybe that's what it is. Maybe they're trying to overcompensate for how small. Czechoslovakia, big spot? Am I talking sh*t? No, it's little. Seems like it would be little. Yeah. Give me the dumbest name of a country that you know of. Nigeria.
Starting point is 01:05:38 Why? Because it's just a joke. They didn't know that name before they came up with that. That name didn't exist. Kazakhstan? Oh, right. Antarctica? That's kind of a goofy one, but it sounds pretty.
Starting point is 01:05:53 Because there's not a lot of Z's in it. Yeah. You know? You throw a lot of Z's. You know? Where's Borat supposed to be from? Kazakhstan. They get super mad at him you know they sued him
Starting point is 01:06:06 that whole f*cking they are so pissed i bet that guy has to hide those kazakhstan people are so f*cking pissed because that borat character is from kazakhstan i mean could you imagine if there's like one guy who was doing this character of your tiny little country and it is a f*cking huge smash comedy hit that this complete retard is representing your country and just f*cking up everything. You know, like remember when he did that movie and asked him where to go to the bathroom and he took a sh*t in a bag then he handed the lady the bag trying to get like what do i do with this and she's like well what's that
Starting point is 01:06:50 this is my sh*t what do i do you see his new one no you're gonna die i heard there's a scene in it that's like really worth the whole movie which one is his new one uh the one where he's like a tennis player or something like that like the problem with those is those are comedies they're not like uh what i like is the stuff that's illegal now right yeah it's the stuff that he used to do that he kept getting sued for that's the best sh*t jackass was on the other night on the front porch after the roast battle and just watching jackass i miss that that there's something to that so funny that just seeing people getting f*cked up it's you know one of the funniest things it's just undeniably funny it's unbelievable yeah it's it's instinctual it's like in your in your system like there's i remember
Starting point is 01:07:36 i'll never forget this one where they they they uh had this big hand on uh a spring yes that would give guys high fives and it would come out of nowhere just f*cking nail you and send you flying across the room and had bags of flour on it so like when it hit blew up the flower yeah it would hit you in the face and blow you up with flour and it was f*cking huge like it would knock people over they're all amazing i love jackass so f*cking much and i stumbled across jackass 2.5 recently which is basically all the footage that they didn't get a chance to use or that was too edgy or came out too extreme for their mtv show wild boys because it turns out that they had to like have it ready for mtv it was
Starting point is 01:08:20 just different than the sh*t they were really pulling at this level so anything in which the network heads were like we can't air that on mtv2 or whatever the f*ck wild boys was on um they just turned it into this super movie of sh*t that was literally too f*cking good for mtv and the show wild boys at the time so what's it called and it what's it's a jackass 2.5 and so these guys and remember they're doing wild boys which is more like you know like they're out in the safaris and the deserts like with cheetahs and hyenas right everything yeah they were playing keep away with hyenas with a ham and some of you know how f*cking scary that is no i mean i hyenas will kill you they're huge
Starting point is 01:09:02 yeah they're like 200 pound wild dogs that crush bones of their teeth and they're playing keep away with them. Wild hyenas with a ham. They're standing right in front of them with no fence, no protection. Those guys are f*cking hilarious. And the other thing about Jackass 2.5 is there's ones that were also like, you could tell a couple of them were just so disgusting that they couldn't put it on mtv like my favorite f*cking one and it just like i was dying of laughter i've been i was howling like like an animal all of a sudden you know and they're sort
Starting point is 01:09:36 of like explaining like you know we didn't know what we we met this one guy who has the world's longest fingernails we didn't know what we were going to do with them another cool thing about 2.5 is it's sort of like more documentary style because they're like laughing about all this footage from india he has these crazy curly fingernails super duper long fingernails and they're like we didn't end up knowing what to do with this guy so you know steve-o had this one idea and then that was it and all of a sudden it cuts to this indian guy you know you've seen him like they did just giant long fingernails like five feet long or whatever the f*ck and all of a sudden, it cuts to this Indian guy. You know, you've seen them like they did just giant long fingernails, like five feet long or whatever the f*ck. And all of a sudden, you just see an Indian guy's face and it slowly starts to pan out.
Starting point is 01:10:12 You see his nails and he has a bottle of Miller Lite. And he just goes, hello, I am blah, blah, blah, blah. This is Miller time. And you see him just start to pour the beer on the back of his hand that's just hanging there and the back of his hand that has the fingernails right and all the beer starts rolling down his fingernails and as the camera pans out you just start to hear like you just start to hear that noise and as it pans out you see steve-o's laying on his back on the ground underneath him and all that Miller beer is rolling down these fingernails. I was
Starting point is 01:10:47 screaming. I was screaming by myself in my apartment watching this. Dying of laughter. There it is. Jamie's got it. This is Miller time. You hear Steve-O gagging before the camera
Starting point is 01:11:04 even gets there. It's so f*cking funny. Look how long his nails are. This is Miller time. But you hear Steve-O gagging before the camera even gets there. Oh my God. It's so f*cking funny. Look how long his nails are. It's so gross. Look how it went. Oh my God. And he's gagging and throwing up.
Starting point is 01:11:17 Oh my God. Watch how much he throws up. Oh, it's about to get great right now. He's hurling. he's hurling he's these indian girls are so grossed out oh my god oh my god look at the pile of vomit in front of him it's huge that's the worst steve-o is crazy it's so interesting seeing him sober now yeah he's a fun guy i really like that guy a lot you know who was not sober andy dick the other day told you dave chappelle it was the most uncomfortable thing i've ever seen why they let andy in if he was drinking i don't know you know what man i knew that was gonna happen he
Starting point is 01:11:56 stole dave's beer he heckled him the three times stole three beers stole my last call like i got like last call and i got a drink. He was annoying and aggressive. Listen, man, that's why I didn't have Monaghan. I was telling you like this is not going to last. It's not temporary. This is temporary. This is a sobriety thing, working on sobriety. He's a slingshot and he pulled that slingshot back and then he's eventually got to let it go.
Starting point is 01:12:20 I don't know why. I don't know. I don't understand sobriety. I don't understand people that go off the rails like he does where they get that f*cked up and that crazy, but he's got it, whatever that is. You worked with him all the way back. f*ck yeah, man. I worked with him for five years.
Starting point is 01:12:34 Was he always that way? Always that way. Party machine. A lot of it is, I really honestly believe this, and maybe Andy would probably agree with me. I think some sh*t happened to him when he was a child. I think he battles that. You know?
Starting point is 01:12:48 And I think he has like a real issue, man. He's talked about it before. I'm not revealing anything that he hasn't said already, but he doesn't remember like a lot of his childhood. Like a lot of it. It's blocked it out. And he's got a substance problem. He has it more than anybody I've ever met.
Starting point is 01:13:03 In terms of like he gets it and then that switch goes off and he's gone you know he's off to the races and he's a sweet guy yeah and he's a f*cking talented guy he's a really funny guy like andy and i we did scenes together well we had to do three four and five takes because i couldn't stop laughing i was holding it in as much as i can he's a really funny guy as sh*t based and as negative and annoying as he was the other night he was still sort of killing it through this glaze of just somehow annoyance i mean of course it was talented of course it was like he was just the scotty pippin of chapelle's jordan because he was literally heckling chapelle while he's on stage that's
Starting point is 01:13:39 f*cked up they shouldn't do it again you know they should have kicked him out yeah they totally should have you can't do that yeah you can't do that and then they tried to f*ck our friend well yeah the first the first five times i met andy he was completely sh*t-faced and obsessed with trying to f*ck me and that was i'm like okay nice to meet you again and you know and that was it and then the last few times he was sober and f*cking awesome really great guy and then i saw him for the first time since that the other night and he's sitting in a chair right in the back bar area like where the employees are he's the only one just sitting there in a chair and i'm like oh i i wonder what happened to andy as i'm walking up all in one motion as i get closer i see that at the
Starting point is 01:14:21 same time he's licking somebody's arm that he's with just licking their arm up and down and i'm like oh no he's not sober anymore like his variation of sobriety and not sober i've never seen him like getting drunk or having a drink i've only seen him on absolutely at a thousand miles an hour sh*t face and aggressively sexual continuously or very nice dude yeah it's so weird i think he's a nice dude i think he's a nice dude i think he really is a good guy i think andy's a very good guy yeah he's just a very good guy that does not get along with substances and he needs them for whatever reason they he's drawn to them you know i don't i don't know what you do to cure someone of that i don I think even if I knew what to cure one person,
Starting point is 01:15:08 I think everybody has their own individual answer for that. And I think for some people, they just don't want to ever get completely free. Or they do and then they don't. They get bored or they can't take it anymore or whatever the f*ck it is. But isn't it weird that when somebody
Starting point is 01:15:26 does start drinking, it's never just like a little bit. It's never like, oh, I start drinking. I shouldn't be drinking. I have a little buzz. It's just like opposite. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:37 I think it's a genetic thing too, man. There's something about that alcohol that you either got that thing or you don't. I'm sitting here. I've only had water tonight. And I'm looking at your drink. And, you know, I've had drinks.
Starting point is 01:15:54 But I'm not, like, going, I need a f*cking drink. I need a f*cking drink. But some people, they look at that goddamn drink. And they just feel it. Let me smell it. Let me smell it. Oh. You smell that whiskey in there.
Starting point is 01:16:03 And you just go, f*ck. f*ck. It just starts pulling at you. And then you want it. And then you just say, f*ck. f*ck. It just starts pulling at you, and then you want it, and then you just say, f*ck it, let's just one shot. Just one shot, boom. And they throw it down, and then, wah!
Starting point is 01:16:12 Off to the races. Tate says that's him. Yeah, that's, I mean, you could tell anyone that's stopped drinking has started drinking Red Bull or Starbucks all day, like the strongest coffee. I just had in San Francisco, I had
Starting point is 01:16:27 Starbucks has this new Nitro coffee. It's like having them pour you a pint. It's amazing. A lot of companies are making that now. It's nitrogenated coffee. It's amazing. They had half of a grande and I was like, oh my god, I feel like I'm on drugs.
Starting point is 01:16:44 We have those caveman ones. Caveman coffee, they're small, they're tiny. And they have 270 milligrams of caffeine. Is that a lot? Yeah, it's a lot. It's way more than a venti Starbucks. Tate drinks five, six of those at a time. Yeah, because he doesn't drink.
Starting point is 01:17:01 He's also f*cking 250 pounds, you know, so it's got more room to distribute over his body. But yeah, he gets f*cking wired on those goddamn things. He gets super excited. God, I love caffeine so much. Great. Of all the things you can be addicted to, that one's the most productive and the least destructive. It doesn't f*ck you up to the point where you make sh*t decisions or get in car accidents or anything i think i've done so much caffeine i don't feel like i feel it like i like i'll have coffee you definitely don't as much yeah it seems so muted with caffeine well that's
Starting point is 01:17:35 why people who use it for performance enhancing purposes they like to not use caffeine during the day normally and then take caffeine before they work out like say if they have a wrestling match or something like that a lot of guys will do that they'll have no caffeine in their diet and then right before they they go and fight or something like that they'll take a caffeine pill and then they get the full effects of it because of the fact that you're not like like how much often we smoke pot if we got anybody that doesn't smoke pot down here with us and we are hitting the same weed that we're hitting they would freak out we've seen it you've seen it all night we've seen it before i mean how many times we've gotten somebody high like do you get high and they're like well i'll try it what the hell like okay they take a big hit and they take a second hit and like you're
Starting point is 01:18:18 gone yeah it's over i went to that a buddy i thought he was dying for a second after smoking cali weed for the first time. He started shaking and he literally sort of just, he looked like he was getting electrocuted for a minute. Dude, we've done that to people so many times. You want in? Come on in. But it's just way too strong. For us, it's nothing.
Starting point is 01:18:38 We do it all the time, so it's normal. And your body builds up this tolerance. But if you don't have that tolerance, you get hit with it. And that's what Terrence McKinney used to to say that's the best way to smoke weed he said the best way to do it is to don't do it at all for a long time and then do as much as you can stand yeah he's like then it becomes very very psychedelic he would his thought was that we abuse marijuana he was guilty of it himself, he said. One of the things he was talking about, he's like, listen to this.
Starting point is 01:19:08 I am a confessed cannabis addict. He goes, I smoke cannabis every day, all day, and I smoke it at night. But honestly, I think the way to do it is to take a long time off and then smoke your f*cking brains out. Just take weeks off. Just bring your body completely back to baseline and then just... I don't know about that. I take two days off and it feels like
Starting point is 01:19:33 if I smoke it, it's back to baseline. It's that fast of a recovery. How often do you guys go on stage without it? I try to most of the time. Do you struggle talking when you go on stage when you're too high? Yeah, I stutter
Starting point is 01:19:49 or I lose my train of thought. If I'm going to, oh, I'm going to go to that bit now, then I'll forget. I'm like, wait, what was I just thinking? It's memory for most of me. Especially with Pete's Weed, I find that if I don't smoke Pete's Weed,
Starting point is 01:20:04 I actually remember everything I did that night. But if I do smoke Pete's weed, I don't remember anything I did that night. And I used to always think it was alcohol based, but I've been trying it. I smoke the same weed and I remember everything. I, I smoke a lot of Pete's weed and it just blocks my memory. Men in black hush. The memory eraser. Yeah, well, it definitely has a different effect on everybody, man.
Starting point is 01:20:30 There's no doubt about that. Because you'll hear some people talk about pot. And you're like, what are you experiencing? I almost want to be in your body. I roasted Snoop Dogg a few weeks ago. Maybe a little over a month ago. And hanging out with him. I've hung out with him it was i've hung out
Starting point is 01:20:45 with him a few times but this time it was after i roasted him and i'd hung out with him the day before because we were talking about the roast and i was helping him with his thing at the end and everything you know what i mean so we were smoking then and then after the roast and i lit his i lit snoop up at this roast yeah i made fun of everyone. It was really crazy. Like one of the most fun things I've ever done on stage. Anyway, afterwards we were kicking it like hard f*cking core, right? Because I had just like honored the sh*t out of him basically in front of all of his friends in this big cool theater in LA. So, you know, we were hanging and all this stuff.
Starting point is 01:21:20 And ever since then, he inspired me to smoke more weed. Not by saying anything, but just sort of like watching him operate and just realizing like, wow, this guy just stays laughing and creative all the time. Because it never shuts off for him. Every time I've ever been around him, he's always just riffing and always the funny, by far the funniest non-comedian I've ever met or worked with. By far. You ever hang out with Snoop? No, never met him. You would f*cking love him. You guys would click.
Starting point is 01:21:54 You guys would, crossing the streams would like be unbelievable because he gets it, man. He's cool as f*ck. Him and Martha Stewart is the best combination in the world. Don't they have like a show? Yeah, together. They have a cooking show together. What is it? It's the, man. He's cool as f*ck. Him and Martha Stewart is the best combination in the world. Don't they have a show? Yeah, together. They have a cooking show together.
Starting point is 01:22:09 What is it? They just have a killer cooking show together. And is it on TV? Yeah. Is it a regular show? You know who does it? Chris McGuire. No sh*t. Really?
Starting point is 01:22:21 One of the roast jokes that I did on Snoop was that he has a cooking show with Martha. And when asked what it's like to work with a 75-year-old lady, Martha said, not that bad. It's amazing, though. I've seen the clip. I just put it up on YouTube a couple days ago. I tweeted about it. But ever since watching it, actually having the clip and getting...
Starting point is 01:22:44 When it cuts back, every time it cuts back to Snoop laughing, I still like, my brain is like, I can't, I still can't believe that it happened. Like that, that Snoop laughing.
Starting point is 01:22:55 Right, right. That you actually did roast him. It's so f*cking weird. Wow. But anyway, I've like doubled my pot intake since this Snoop thing. And I was already, you know, a very regular daily, pretty much once I get the bulk of work done in the afternoon,
Starting point is 01:23:12 whether I'm writing or just whatever I have to do or book or whatever responsibilities I have, it's on. I'm a fan. Yeah. And then I work out a few hours later And then I do it again I just keep smoking throughout the night Good for you It works I approve of this message
Starting point is 01:23:31 It works for me Why not man? As long as it works And if you decide at one point that it doesn't work anymore And you want to switch it up Sometimes that happens too in your life You get tired of a certain pattern It might be a different kind of workout you're doing or whatever it is,
Starting point is 01:23:48 but just changing things a little bit, changing certain aspects of your life just a little bit, just a little bit of a turn, a little deviation, something new, a little something different. This could be huge for your brain. Start thinking of things different. I emptied my house out recently. Just decided to pack everything up.
Starting point is 01:24:06 I got a storage unit, and I put everything in the storage unit. It's weird, though. We were talking at Kill Tony about how people lived in their cars. I didn't know that there's a whole thing of homeless people that have storage units, and they use the storage unit to bathe in, and they just hang out there all day. Bathe in? Yeah. Why, there's a shower in the storage unit to bathe in, and they just hang out there all day. Bathe in? Yeah. Wow, there's a shower in the storage unit?
Starting point is 01:24:27 No, no, no. They'll just come there with wet naps. They were showing me my unit when I got it, me and Jen. And she goes, oh, we can't go down this hallway. And I'm like, why? She goes, just hold your nose. We can't go down this hallway. And I look ahead, and there was a woman naked,
Starting point is 01:24:44 washing herself and poop rags everywhere just rags on the ground with poop on it everywhere and it smelled like poo and she said that that she just lives there during the day that's like how she and she sh*ts on the ground they let her she they they can't throw her out there's like nothing they can do you can't like get her for like some sort of a health code violation because she's sh*tting on the ground? That's what I said. And she goes, you would think it's very weird and touchy. Isn't it funny how much people try to protect people?
Starting point is 01:25:13 Yeah. If she had a house, you could arrest her for that. If she had a house and she just wants to sh*t in public, I like to go to my storage unit and take sh*ts on the floor. People would say, you f*cking dirty bitch. You've got to go to jail. But because she doesn't have a house, she goes in there and sh*ts on the floor. They say you f*cking dirty bitch like you got to go to jail but because she doesn't have a house she goes there and sh*ts on the floor like oh we can't do anything and it's also the location there's this california culture where that we nurture
Starting point is 01:25:33 people but like if that was in texas and some storage unit owner walked by he'd be like you better pick up and put your wit you better put your puke bags away you get up and you get out of here right now. I just got to say that is so much better than your Japanese-Mexican accent. You have two days to pack up and get out of the storage unit. Pack up and get out of here. This is Texas. Nothing's like San Francisco.
Starting point is 01:25:58 San Francisco's the worst when it comes to that. There's f*cking aggressive homeless people everywhere. They're all over the place. Somebody took a huge sh*t, a human sh*t right in front of the Punchline Comedy Club. It had blood in it. It was awful. Brian.
Starting point is 01:26:13 Did you have blood in there or did you just think that's funny? No, it did because I periscoped two videos of it. Did you save any photos that I can see right now? Do you have any photos of the sh*t? I got a video of it. Don't you lie to me, son of a bitch. It to see in the video but it was but it made me puke okay uh and there's a little towel next to it yeah man i've never seen more homeless people
Starting point is 01:26:35 just wandering around anywhere in any one location that i have in san francisco it seems like they're just super tolerant up there yeah it's one of the things that makes san francisco awesome is that open-mindedness and tolerance but we were there also leaves like an opening for that we were there on saturday when they were doing the marches up there oh it was good times it was powerful it drained the well the kill tony show was amazing but the two stand-up shows i had after that you could tell and i by the second show i was like how many of you went to the march earlier? And it was just like, I mean, wow, crazy. Have you ever even heard of an elected leader that's been protested this hard right after they got in office before they've done anything?
Starting point is 01:27:17 Never. The funny thing is there's a bunch of women out there, obviously, that voted for Trump or didn't vote at all. That's what a lot of the numbers would say, because they said that most women voted for Trump or didn't vote at all. That's what the, a lot of the numbers would say. Cause they said that most women voted for Trump, right? Isn't that a stat? No,
Starting point is 01:27:30 no. Okay. Okay. Most of the women that voted, voted for Trump, correct? Well, no,
Starting point is 01:27:35 no, no, no, more women voted for Trump than voted for Hillary. Yeah. But not most of the women voted for Trump. So if like there's 103 women, 53 of them voted for Trump, 50 of women voted for Trump. So if like there's 103 women, 53 of them voted for Trump,
Starting point is 01:27:48 50 of them voted for Hillary, like that kind of a deal. Gotcha. But there, when you're talking about the numbers that they had, like in LA, Whitney Cummings sent me this picture and I looked at it. I went,
Starting point is 01:28:00 what in the f*ck? Where is that? She goes, that's in downtown LA. I'm like, that is insane. I'm like, that's insane. I go, how many people are there? She goes, they expected 80,000 and they got 900,000. It was the biggest one. Even bigger than DC. Yeah. She said they, well, they don't
Starting point is 01:28:17 even really, they don't really know how many, but she says they think somewhere around, I think 970,000 people. Wow. Close to a million. Incredible. That's crazy. And it was interesting how many older ladies and older women. I flew back, and the woman next to me was an old lady that sprayed her hair blue. And she was like, we went out to protest. But it's aggressive.
Starting point is 01:28:42 You think this all came from the grab the puss* stuff? If he didn't have the grab and buy the puss* stuff this wouldn't exist it's because of one clip that they dug up from the early 90s in between a commercial break with him on inside edition with some guy talking about who knows the context that was happening before that by the way
Starting point is 01:28:58 and his whole if you watch him talk his whole you know persona persona persona is the mexican word for it personia you may know him he's from jerusalem he's a mexican pro wrestler it's very very guy jockey like his vibe is very negative for women yeah and well he's a good old boys club guy it's awful to for me too, too. Why is it awful for you? I just don't like hearing him talk.
Starting point is 01:29:28 I just don't like hearing him talk, man. He's just such an ugh to me. I don't like him. Did you vote? I like his kid, though. Did you vote? No. I voted for we, but I didn't vote for Trump.
Starting point is 01:29:40 You didn't vote for president? You got to that and you just left it out? No, because I didn't like either. I would have had Old Man McGee. Interesting. Did you vote? Yeah. Gary Johnson did my podcast. I voted for him.
Starting point is 01:29:55 Even though I knew he didn't know it. That seems like a throwaway. I'd rather not vote. Brian, it's never a throwaway. If everybody voted for Gary Johnson, he would have won. Yeah, but that wasn't going to happen. Well, why not? But it's never a throwaway. If everybody voted for Gary Johnson, he would have won. Yeah, but that wasn't going to happen. Well, why not? Because...
Starting point is 01:30:07 But it's never a throwaway. It's like you have to vote your mind. Otherwise, voting is pointless. Regardless of whether or not you think you're throwing your vote away. There's so many people that were saying that. The reason why... No, my state was going to go to Hillary Clinton already. So I already knew that, right?
Starting point is 01:30:21 Most people predicted that. If I stepped in as a complete objective observer i had never had anything to do with the system up until that point and then i walked in and they were telling me the projected victory was already to hillary clinton before it even started right in this state and they were right and they were right in new york right so if i vote for gary johnson's not throwing sh*t away it's just voting my conscience and it's not even really my conscience honestly because uh maybe gary's not the right guy for the job either you know i mean you didn't know what aleppo was but you know but bernie sanders isn't in it anymore and uh i'm not a big fan of hillary
Starting point is 01:30:55 and uh i'm i don't think i'm not a big fan of trump i'm not a big fan of any i'm not a big fan of being president how about that i don't think anybody should be president yeah i think there's an article that I tweeted recently that someone tweeted to me, and I retweeted it, about having a council of wise people, like seven or eight people. Like Star Wars. Yeah, exactly. For real. What's that, Jamie? What's that, Jamie? This article on Fortune.com says that 42% of women, most of them white, came out to support him.
Starting point is 01:31:24 Came out to support Trump. Yeah. Right, but we weren't talking about that. We were talking about the marches against Trump. No, I know, but that's Don Tony's point is that 42% of women voted for him. You know what I mean? How many women then were there that voted for Trump? Probably none because there's 20 million people in Los Angeles.
Starting point is 01:31:42 If you have 20 million people in Los Angeles and you got less than a million, it's highly likely that that less than a million didn't vote for him. I think there's a lot of secret Trump supporters that are disguising themselves as these people and telling you they're out there because they have to... It's a game to some of these people.
Starting point is 01:32:00 I can feel it. It's like a joke. Do you think that people that are walking around in that rally actually voted for Trump and they're holding up signs f*ck trump you really think that i yeah i think that some of them yeah i think that they're secret trump supporters yeah absolutely that was marching with signs the whole deal for their what they have to do for whatever their jobs are or whoever their boss is. Yeah, sure, Marsha. I'll join you at the march.
Starting point is 01:32:26 Yeah. Yeah, sure. Definitely. As long as you talk to Tom about that raise or whatever. You know, whatever. People do things for different reasons. No, it's a different thing. You were Marsha Simpson right there.
Starting point is 01:32:38 But it's crazy. At that march, there's like five-year-old girls. I mean, these parents are mad about what the possibility of what of their kids hearing something that trump said and there's like five-year-old girls walking down the street going don't touch my puss* don't touch my puss* that's not really true do you do have you really see five-year-old saying don't touch my puss* the march was saying don't touch my puss* and there's little kids but you were saying the five-year-olds were saying that.
Starting point is 01:33:05 You know that's not true. Sorry, probably not five-year-olds. But here's my question. Do you think that having these gigantic marches all over the country like they did, don't you think that's probably a good thing? Because a guy like Trump, the last thing he wants is all those people hating him. The last thing he wants is to realize that there's never been a president ever in the history of this country that has gotten protested so widely and so hugely right after getting into office right yeah that's got to freak him out and that has to affect the way you make decisions it
Starting point is 01:33:37 has to knowing that these people like all you you know you just got in you haven't done anything all you did was win the election and get in. It almost seems interesting because what if that ends up turning him into, you know, what if, I mean, there's a chance where he just turns on these people and starts fulfilling the prophecy, right? It's possible. Isn't that a weird thing? I mean, but then, you know, the Republicans that support him that are on the fence, they wouldn't support him anymore. He's a populist in a lot of ways. It's one of the more interesting things about this.
Starting point is 01:34:09 He's willing to change his mind on things if the people are vehemently against his decisions. I think it's going to be real weird. Who knows? Who the f*ck knows what's going to happen? real weird. Who knows? Who the f*ck knows what's going to happen? But one of the things that I'm reading that's really fascinating is they're trying to keep him away from television and criticism
Starting point is 01:34:29 because he freaks out and then they don't want him to overreact. They don't want him to respond to criticism of him because he keeps making these f*cking crazy tweets. What's this press secretary or somebody that just put out a thing the other day that was talking about the numbers, how many people were at the thing.
Starting point is 01:34:46 Yeah, you know what? He's like a publicist, though. You know what I mean? He's not even a press secretary. This guy's a publicist. They have a publicist because of how bad Trump is going to get into, the trouble he's going to get into. That guy's going to be saving his ass a lot in the future, I feel.
Starting point is 01:35:03 My friend Jason Hairstonon he's the guy who owns this company that makes these jackets it's called kuyu yeah they're like god damn it it's cotton mouth he has one of the shut the f*ck up he's one of the um best uh he makes some of the best hunting gear in the world and he has this picture on his instagram and this is disputing what the press is saying when they were talking about how little the crowd was look how big the f*cking crowd is there this is an actual photo that he took with his actual phone and they were saying that the the crowd didn't go out to the press tent well f*cking it clearly does yeah there's a huge crowd well it could also just be a photo you
Starting point is 01:35:40 know what's up it could also just be the photo there could be like a big Brian look at that photo that photo shows a gigantic crowd of people that goes all the way back past where they said the crowd didn't go yeah i'm saying that there might be a big gap and just how the photo is that you can't see that there's like a gap in the middle you know kind of like that's the whole thing yeah but look what i'm saying i do but look at what you're looking at yeah not in that photo in that photo you are looking at look at all those people all the way back there they go all the way past the barricades look at how many people there are like that's not the pictures they showed on television yeah so and you can see this folks
Starting point is 01:36:14 jason hairston j-a-s-o-n uh m-h-a-i-r-s-t-oN. So this is a photo that he took himself. And that's where it gets weird. It's like someone who was actually there, who went to the inauguration, and takes a photo. And they could have taken that picture any time. What is this photo, Jamie? This is what PBS put up. This is a time lapse from the top of the Washington Monument from the time the day started, like sunrise, until everyone started leaving. Oh, so they have all of it.
Starting point is 01:36:44 Yeah, they have sky view of it. Okay, okay so his photo does it represent what this is how i'm saying there's gaps though see there's gaps in between the crowds it's not filled in from that angle it it represents a big crowd but when you look at it from the top you can see like the gaps in the but either way there's a lot of people there but it wasn't i don't know if it was a million yeah but either way... There's a lot of people there, but it wasn't... I don't know if it was a million. But either way, it's a giant crowd, but it's nowhere near as many that went to see Obama. That's been proven by the amount of people that take public transportation, right? So this is still not filled in yet, and it's still...
Starting point is 01:37:15 Now people are leaving. Oh, now they're leaving. Yeah, that was it. See, if you're standing, if there's a bunch of people missing in the middle, you're not going to be able to tell because the people behind it's going to fill in the gap. That does look pretty goddamn packed.
Starting point is 01:37:28 It does. But maybe that's what you're saying then because of that. Well, I think it really – in your head, it's hard to imagine what Obama's must have looked like because that does look insane. But he wasn't where – when Obama was inaugurated, he wasn't there taking pictures from the same spot. Then we would get a chance to really check it and understand it. But, I mean, that I would buy more than this because of what you said about perspective.
Starting point is 01:37:57 I mean, there's still a f*ckload of people, man. They were making it seem like there wasn't that many people. That's a lot of goddamn people. It's just not as many as Obama. I would like to compare that to when bush was inaugurated bush had more bush had more yeah it was also raining though yeah it was raining at the trump inauguration yeah that's true and how many of those people wear hair spray in respect to mr trump i saw a point someone made too that at the time in 2009, I guess when Obama, when the inauguration happened,
Starting point is 01:38:27 there were a lot more people out of work. Oh, sh*t. And that now there's people that have jobs and they've had less. That sounds like a White House propaganda welfare baby statement. Sincerely, Barack Obama. Try to find out how many people were there
Starting point is 01:38:42 when Bush was inaugurated and how many people were there when Clinton was inaugurated and how many people were there when Clinton was inaugurated. What's that? 2001, the first one, right? Yeah, it was 2000. There's a good Photoshop out there that shows them all. It shows reptiles.
Starting point is 01:38:57 It shows they're all in the shape of a skull. Alex Jones, did you hear? He was down there and somebody, some Trump supporter or something like that got in a huge fight. With Alex? No, no. Alex Jones, did you hear? He was down there, and somebody, some Trump supporter or something like that got in a huge fight. With Alex? No, no. Alex Jones, though, was right next to it and had to call the police. Oh, I saw someone was saying that Alex Jones had liquor on his breath.
Starting point is 01:39:16 Probably. Yeah, he says he doesn't drink. He wasn't drinking. $300,000 or so for 2001 for Bush, $400,000 in 2005, and then $1.8 million for barack in 2009 and 1 million in 2013 in comparison bill clinton also had 800 093 and 250 097 damn two and only 250 097 i mean the rain is going to deeply affect that though because it because it's all local people, right? I mean, who's flying there? No, a lot of people flew in for that.
Starting point is 01:39:47 A lot of people. Jason Harrison flew in for that. Morgan Murphy. She flew in for that. She flew in for the march. Yeah, but she flew in. She marched in the rain. You know, that's another thing that goes against that.
Starting point is 01:40:04 A lot of those women that were marching, they're marching in the rain. You know, the one that, I mean, that's why Jeremiah Watkins and his character, Daisy Watkins. I like Daisy. I like his character. Yeah, that was amazing. They all had raincoats on during the roast battle tonight. Or during, I'd rather kill Tony tonight. To represent those Hillary supporters that went out in the rain. Is it a big deal because of the question of the size or the question over the lying of the size?
Starting point is 01:40:28 Lying of the size. But he wants to say, this guy wants to say this is the largest crowd of any inauguration ever. Clearly that's not true. That's f*cked up. That's clearly not true. It seems like a big ass crowd to me looking at that photo, but I've never looked at a photo of the inauguration before. So if you compare it to Obama, it's clearly still a big-ass crowd, but it's definitely not the biggest crowd ever. So that's not good.
Starting point is 01:40:55 When the f*cking White House minister of propaganda sounds like that guy from Baghdad, remember the beginning of the war? There was some guy that was doing the Baghdad population thing. Remember that guy? Who the f*ck was that guy? Who's this the beginning of the war? There was some guy that was doing the Baghdad population thing. Remember that guy? Who the f*ck was that guy? Who's this moron outside the door? They're letting people downstairs. They can just walk downstairs. They should keep that door shut.
Starting point is 01:41:14 It's such a bad... Who was that guy? Remember that guy? Yeah, I don't know. Joe Baghdad or something like that? Remember? It was like it was a meme. It was hilarious.
Starting point is 01:41:23 It's like when the war started get the f*ck out of here Jamie kick these guys out of here oh god Jesus Christ they're letting people f*ck with us anyway there was a character
Starting point is 01:41:42 that was Baghdad something. God damn it. What was his name? I can't remember. You don't remember it? Do you remember that? And what was he saying?
Starting point is 01:41:52 He was the minister of propaganda for Iraq before we invaded. And he was always saying, like, you know, the Iraqi troops are destroying the American troops. Baghdad Bob. No. Baghdad Bob? I just typed in Baghdad Bob. No. Baghdad Bob? I just typed in Baghdad Bob. What are you doing? Baghdad Bob and his ridiculous true predictions.
Starting point is 01:42:12 This guy? Yes. That's the guy. Baghdad Bob? Yeah. He was. He looks a lot like that. He had like a beret on.
Starting point is 01:42:20 He looked like Saddam Hussein. Before Saddam Hussein went into hiding, remember they went into hiding and they found him in a hole? Yeah. Remember they pulled him in a hole and then hung him on TV? Yeah. We watched them. Everyone could see him get hung. Remember?
Starting point is 01:42:32 You saw it on the internet? It was amazing. f*cking crazy. But this Baghdad Bob, that's it. It is Baghdad Bob. Yeah. Did you watch that Saddam series on HBO? No.
Starting point is 01:42:42 But what I'm saying is this Baghhdad bob guy this is essentially what the trump guy is doing he's saying sh*t that everybody knows is not true he's exaggerating in a way that everybody knows is not true and this is just the beginning of the administration his quote is my information was correct but my interpretations were not oh god whatever whatever that means who was saying that's what that bag Baghdad Bob guy's quote is. Oh. But this White House guy should be fired, right? That should be like a blatant firing right there.
Starting point is 01:43:12 You can't start off a relationship with the American people with a big, fat, juicy lie like that. Fired. What about his speeches, too? Didn't he say there's a picture of him handwriting his speeches, and then he blatantly ripped off the Bane speech and the Avatar speech, too. He didn't rip off the Bane speech.
Starting point is 01:43:31 Did you see it? We're going to give it back to the people. That's not... That's typical political speak. Everybody's digging so deep. That's a typical... You're right. It's hack. Give it back to you, to the people.
Starting point is 01:43:47 When people turn it into the Bane thing, I hope everybody's kidding about it being stolen. Not that it's plagiarized, but that it's the same thing. The problem with it being the same thing is it's what Bane said before he f*cking went to destroy the city. You shouldn't say that
Starting point is 01:44:04 sh*t when everybody knows that's what Bain said. That's true. There's supposed to be a guy checking for Bain speak? No, but imagine if you were going to say something. I think it's sort of cool to have a president that said something that Bain said. You're ridiculous. Give it back to you.
Starting point is 01:44:19 Give it back to the people. That's just that one part of it. It was like a whole two or three sentences, not just that phrase. There is no way that guy has enough time to write his f*cking speech. I agree, but he took a picture and said he was.
Starting point is 01:44:35 Why not? He should have had a quill. He should have had a goddamn feather and an ink bottle. Clearly Trump likes to write his speeches while watching batman maybe he was just writing notes on his speeches with a pen and so it wasn't a lie sort of kind of cut to his next speech dear white house press why so serious
Starting point is 01:44:57 yeah we got a problem um president trump were you watching batman with heath ledger last night yes it's gonna be real weird man it's gonna be real weird if that's that's how it keeps up maybe there'll be an adjustment who knows can you imagine how cool it would be if it was revealed that he did have a breathing problem all of a sudden and had to wear some f*cking mask. How awesome. Snopes says the Avatar part is not true. That wasn't said in Avatar. Well, we already discussed who Snopes is. Who's running that?
Starting point is 01:45:35 A guy that married a call girl. Understand that. I still think it's pretty good. What is pretty good? Snopes? Overall. Okay, but you have to listen. You get this one guy behind this thing. He's obviously a guy and his wife, and they got divorced,
Starting point is 01:45:49 and now he's a guy and a former escort, and they still run it, and they have a very clear left-wing bias. They've been a part of anti-Bush rallies in the past, and so I get it. It's good to have something like that i'm not totally dismissing it but these are just people this isn't like objective academics who have combed the land and looked for the correct answer all the time their stuff is widely criticized i don't always agree with the criticism but it's not like they're the end all be all when it comes to truth is what's real on the internet no no but it's definitely really good for say like, hey, they say these tacos
Starting point is 01:46:25 are making out of horses, and then they go, here's an article, here's an article. You're like, oh, thanks, Snopes. There was some sh*t that was going on leading up to the election that was pretty criticized. See if you can find criticisms of Snopes. See if you can find anything that's any good. I found a great
Starting point is 01:46:41 thing that a university put together of how biased each thing is and which direction everything leans like they went really deep into it and they made a really cool graph then that middle part is mainstream and the higher up it is the more actual and factual everything is and the lower it is the more it's just like fake news like crap jargon and the farther left it means it le's just like fake news like crap jargon and the farther left it means it leans liberal like there's crazy stuff over there and then the far right leans conservative and it has everything listed what's really f*cked up is we don't have
Starting point is 01:47:17 cnn is hot dog sh*t if you're wondering like the fakest terrible news but it says what is the source of this oh it's uh but it says that it's better than not reading the news at all. What is the source of this? Oh, it's Fox News. No, it's not. This was a study done by, I can't remember the college. It says 1.3 million views.
Starting point is 01:47:38 I like PBS and Reuters. It's on Imgur. The name of the person that posted it is WildYucatanMan.-u-c-a-t-a-n m-a-n but it has 1.3 million views some school i can't remember the exact school i found this off reddit and then just snagged a screenshot a picture of it because i found it so amazing and it shows you everything like basically bbc and npr is right in the up middle. It's above The Washington Post, above New York Times, above NBC and ABC, USA Today and CNN way down at the bottom.
Starting point is 01:48:12 And it says that The Economist, The Guardian, The Atlantic, and The Wall Street Journal are basically the best minimal partisan bias mainstream, but still reputable. What they say about The Wall Street Journal is because it deals with the financial markets and because you can't have just a clear editorial bias that leans one way or the other that's going to affect business. They're not going to tolerate that sh*t. They want to know what the f*ck is really going on, clean and
Starting point is 01:48:35 clear, without all your hippie logic thrown into it. What do you think about RT? RT, Russia Today? You know you know what man it's owned by russia at the end of the day you know you realize that like they've got some sort of an influence over them i don't know how much of an influence but i had lee camp on my podcast and i was asking him whether or not um putin uses fillers that dude f*cking clamped up he didn't want to say a
Starting point is 01:49:04 word fillers fillers like on his face i'm up. He didn't want to say a word. Fillers? Fillers, like on his face. His face looks like someone's doing something to his face, like Botox or something. Fillers, yeah. He just clamped up. Uh-oh. Didn't want to talk. Whereas I've had Abby Martin on the show before, and she used to work for Russia Today,
Starting point is 01:49:23 and she just decided not to do it anymore. She's doing her own thing now and she was doing it she was uh reporting on the uh the situation in ukraine and they wanted to ship her to ukraine they're like yeah why don't you uh go check it out we're gonna send her there and she's gonna go there on the ground she's like the f*ck i am she's like i'm not going to russia are you out of your f*cking mind and that's when she realized like oh i gotta get out of this business they tried to ship her to russia because she was criticizing them yeah russia today it's uh it's interesting but it's probably a better news source than what you're getting from the America propaganda networks. Dude, it's bad. I watched post debate. Um, I watched CNN and Fox news and I went back and forth for a couple of hours. I
Starting point is 01:50:11 decided this is going to be like my project for the night. I'm going to see what the left is saying and I'm going to see what the right is saying. It was crazy. It was like two alternate realities, two completely different worlds. And it was so biased on both sides. They're so biased. two completely different worlds and it's so biased on both sides they're so biased there's no one who's saying anything that might make the other side look good or might soften someone's point of view or get hillary clinton is a thief and a liar and she's profiting and the clinton foundation is a problem and she needs to go to jail and anybody else would be in jail and taxes and this and that and f*cking real estate scandals and and then you go to the other side and it's all sexual assault donald trump sexual assault cues of sexual assault a woman accuses him of sexual assault this video that grabbed the
Starting point is 01:50:56 puss* video and like it was all concentrating on that and that's another crazy thing about this study is that comparatively according to this huge crazy study that they did Fox news while being, while completely leaning, right. But still reputable. CNN is not. And CNN is just not reputable at all. Wow.
Starting point is 01:51:17 Bottom of everything. But they say better than not reading news at all, but send me, take a screenshot of that and send that to me. And send me with the guy's name on it. I'm going to put it on my Instagram and give that guy props to try to find out what that is. NBC's in the middle with the Washington Post. Well, Brian Williams made sure of that.
Starting point is 01:51:36 In fact, he went to battle for it. Well, MSNBC, yeah, is the one that they're saying is the Fox News of the left, basically. yeah is the one that they're saying is the fox news of the left basically but still sort of but they're but they're more much more according to this much more reputable than cnn that's rachel maddow yeah yeah she gets she gets a little bit crazy too you got a big old lesbian running that show i love it she's that's this i love the fact that you could have a clear and obvious short-haired lesbian woman with an Ivy League education being your mouthpiece. She's the main dude over there. It is. And then you have that Keith Oberman guy who's gone bananas.
Starting point is 01:52:18 He's just insane. And another thing. He's all about, we've had a coup. We've been taken over by Russia. Russia has taken over the United States. It's been a bloodless coup. And he does that show, The Resistance. He's going super hard left.
Starting point is 01:52:36 Yeah. It's some loopy stuff. I got stuck watching him for nine minutes the other day. Just ranting. It seems like he's in one of those cable access studios. Yeah, and he has to keep going like it doesn't go to commercial. And another thing. Well, that's what he's always done.
Starting point is 01:52:55 He's always been a great ranter. He was one of the original ESPN SportsCenter guys, and he was a f*cking beast, man. What happened? Why did they take him off espn because that's where everybody loved him yeah and then he went from there and started doing political news so good it's almost like once you start doing keith olbermann right he got in trouble what'd he do he said some sh*t that he shouldn't have said he kept going against the like i think it was mostly mostly against like disney or the man because disney owns espn the f*cking man he
Starting point is 01:53:22 got like him and dan patrick there i think they were both banned from ESPN facilities. They're not allowed to talk to anybody for 10 years. What? And Dan Patrick recently, I think, got back in good graces a little bit. Or maybe it was Olbermann did, and Dan Patrick is still completely like, don't talk to Dan Patrick is what they kind of tell. It's like a big no-no. What did they get in trouble about?
Starting point is 01:53:45 I'll look it up so I can tell you real quick. Wow. So then I didn't follow him, and I don't follow sports, so I didn't know. I didn't know that he was this big sports guy, but I'd heard people talk about him, and they really liked him. And then I remember he went over and started doing political stuff, and then there was a lot of controversy.
Starting point is 01:54:02 And I feel like some of the controversy was like, if you start out doing sports, you've got to stick with sports, motherf*cker. And then there was a lot of controversy. And I feel like some of the controversy was like, if you start out doing sports, you got to stick with sports, motherf*cker. Like people don't like you starting out with sports. And then all of a sudden you're talking about politics. Like what? What are you running a political?
Starting point is 01:54:17 What the f*ck? Baseball. Exactly. This f*cking, what about Willie Mays? Right. Babe Roots. Come on, Keith. Baseball! Yeah, that's what everybody recognizes.
Starting point is 01:54:29 You get your respect for that and we're supposed to listen to your opinion on ranting political stuff? But sports and politics go hand-in-hand of two things I can't stand for the most part. But you care about this Trump thing. I do just because I have to hear about it
Starting point is 01:54:44 non-stop every single care about this Trump thing. I do just because I have to hear about it nonstop every single day, every single thing. Internet, TV, people, all are talking about Trump. It's like a nightmare that won't stop. I don't give a sh*t about politics, but I have to talk about Trump and hear about Trump all day long.
Starting point is 01:55:00 But you do give a sh*t about Trump, though. It's not just that you hear about him. You were just saying. Yeah, I mean, I give a sh*t about Trump though. It's not just that you hear about him. You were just saying that you don't like the way he speaks. It's embarrassing. I wish I could just stop hearing about it now. It's nothing else. I think people are tired of people complaining about it, which is fascinating
Starting point is 01:55:13 to me. It's like, what do you want them to do? I'm just tired of people f*cking complaining about it. God damn, man. Suck it up. He won. Suck it up. He's our president. Do you really expect that people are just going to stop complaining? Because's ridiculous people always complain people complain no matter who the f*ck wins if hillary clinton had won right now people would be going crazy on fox news they would be screaming for her head we can only hope that someone someone has the courage to prosecute
Starting point is 01:55:40 this criminal for deleting those emails and they would just go crazy about it but the difference is republicans would not have walked in the street unless she had a grab him by the dick video that they pulled out of nowhere and even then people would think it was funny women would be out there grab his dick grab his dick and let's throw this out there yeah okay so first of all the whole trump saying grab him by the puss* he's talking about if you have a ton of money to to some guy about being famous very specifically is that what it was yes he's like well you're famous you're a celebrity you just grab him by the puss* yeah they let you but he was saying they let you he was talking about like crazy groupies but here's the thing
Starting point is 01:56:19 and like people are like oh that's unfit to be a president. But what? Our last, I mean, our last great president got his dick sucked in office, in the Oval Office by an intern. Then he lied about it to everybody, including everyone. I did not have sexual relations. The economy was bumping. Gas prices were 72 cents and nobody gave a f*ck. But now all of a sudden it's like wait this guy is demonizing women it's like oh okay well he just got caught and it's one of the things that he said he's like i heard bill clinton say well worse things yeah bill clinton got stuck bill clinton got bill
Starting point is 01:56:56 clinton got his dick sucked while being the president we're talking about a recording on commercial break of what inside edition Edition? Yeah. 92? I mean, the comparisons are insane. But Bill Clinton's a saint. And he was a freakishly great president. There's a difference between hearing someone say something and knowing they did something. To people, there's a difference. Like, knowing someone did something is like, wow, I don't see it.
Starting point is 01:57:21 I hear it. I know he did it. So if the audio of Bill Clinton getting his dick sucked came out. Oh i was like come on you want that intern money uh let me shoot on your dress jamie what were you gonna say uh it was olbermann that was actually banned from espn's main campus that's why when he came back he was doing a show from new york in times square from like an abc like sub studio he just had lots of run-ins starting in 1997. He went on The Daily Show when it was still hosted by Craig Kilbourne, who was a former ESPN co-anchor
Starting point is 01:57:51 with them. That was like his first problem. He called ESPN's main campus a godforsaken place. He got into an argument with them. You get in trouble for saying that? Godforsaken? There's just lots of different things that happened over like a 10-year period. And then he came back, like I said, he had a little stint with them. He got in in trouble for saying that yeah not for just lots of different things that happened over like 10 year period and then he came back like i said he had a little stint with them he got in trouble again for saying sh*t against penn state supporters they like
Starting point is 01:58:11 suspended him for a little bit against penn state supporters after the sandusky trial yeah why what was it was so upsetting about that weirdly also that stuff has kind of all been forgotten now none of the all of their punishments have just kind of all disappeared. They're not punished anymore. They're back in the top of the like college football rankings and everything for Penn state. Yeah. Really?
Starting point is 01:58:32 Dude, people are coming down here again. We got to get one of the, um, comedy store people to block the door. They found that they can get down here. Well, they just leave the door open and then there's a stairway where people could just fall.
Starting point is 01:58:46 Well, they're supposed to be a security guy up there. They're not supposed to let them down there. They should just shut the door. Well, people found out we're down here now. That's the problem. Because I opened my big f*cking mouth. Because we're talking about it. You called it the underground at the comedy store.
Starting point is 01:59:00 Yeah, but there's people that work here that are supposed to be stopping the people from down here and they haven't been doing it. This is the loosest... The people that work here that are supposed to be stopping the people from down here, and they haven't been doing it. This is the loosest. The people that work here, they're all comics. They're all f*ck-offs. Everybody half-asses everything when it comes to letting people in to anything. It's hilarious.
Starting point is 01:59:18 But what's half of the fun of this place? We're going to have to have someone watch the door from now on these f*cks that was okay that was the producer guy no it wasn't he said it was him I saw another dude too
Starting point is 01:59:36 I told him to try to get someone to watch the door okay either way we should do these live instead of making it like this down in here maybe we should do these live instead of like making it like this down in here maybe we should just move this sh*t to the belly room I love live podcasting
Starting point is 01:59:53 more than anything well the belly room is such a great spot for it too and we've already done a bunch of kill tonys up there I feel like maybe there's a problem with like people knowing that we're doing it down here you know where they want to see it new after kill tony they're like where were you guys doing that show yeah i was like you can't watch it so go home yeah you just need to get a new lock or something for that door up there well they just need to have someone that actually stays where they're
Starting point is 02:00:18 supposed to stay and not uh not let people down and also like that's a crazy staircase there's all sorts of equipment down here. This is totally behind the scenes. All that equipment that the comedy store owns, it's all out there, sitting out there. You can't just be wandering around with that bitch. But people are weird, man. They want to be behind the scenes. They want to get to that back bar.
Starting point is 02:00:39 They want to go behind the bar. People always want to go to that one place where you're not supposed to go. And that's what's crazy. the bar. I always want to go to that one place where you're not supposed to go. That's what's crazy. When I got here, I was Mr. You had to invite me. I've always treated this building
Starting point is 02:00:51 with a ridiculous amount of respect. I never wanted any... You want a cookie? I'm talking about that there's a statement there that is a thing in which, and I've seen it, those people that push themselves into that back alley that are always trying to smoke pot with everybody they're never the ones that end up uh f*cking doing anything they're always the ones in which it's like i found out
Starting point is 02:01:14 i'm having to move back home my mom's sick so i gotta go take you know that is the worst when someone like chimes in on a conversation and just all of a sudden starts talking about themselves yeah but yeah exactly you get a lot of that back there it's the worst and they're losers you know what i mean but my point is is like the people that you know go with where they're invited and with people that they're friends with you know it's different there's just a different life thing no it definitely is people want to race to the back to the to the green room and the back to smoke because they think there's a shortcut waiting for them there and there's not
Starting point is 02:01:49 you still have to you mean a shortcut to make it as a comic yeah but i guess but i but i think this analogy applies probably for any job you know what i mean is it's like it's not just about the hang it's about you've always had this combination of the two you've always had this like disdain for people who network yeah yeah because i think there's a way to do it and i think it happens organically and naturally and and people that overdo it it's just gross the people that overdo it are almost always not that funny yeah and i do it a lot but i do it my own way you know what i mean does that make sense like i'm not like a networker but i hang out and i do it a lot but i do it my own way you know what i mean does that make sense like i'm not like a networker but i hang out and i do three podcasts a week and f*cking yeah but it's different up all the time and it's different there's one thing that's like you're not consciously trying to
Starting point is 02:02:37 network you're working with your peers right and your friends yeah that's yeah there's there's that networking i think there's a natural amount of networking that happens. Do you watch House of Cards? It's my favorite thing. Do you watch it now? Yes. A lot of people told me about it. Don't try to claim you told me about it.
Starting point is 02:02:53 I'm sure a lot of people did because it's one of only four great shows. Let's not make it about you. Let's go back to the show. Yeah. It's a f*cking hilarious show when you realize this is probably how it really works. And that networking,
Starting point is 02:03:07 like that kind of sh*t, like that, that kind of networking is what we're scared of in comedy. Like that's how the entire business runs. That's how the white house runs. That's how politics runs. That's why you're scared of it. Cause you're scared of that kind of sh*t getting into here where it's all
Starting point is 02:03:21 about favors and bullsh*t. Right? Yeah. This place has a loophole for not having that crap. It used to be, dude. It used to be that's how you got gigs. There was a big problem in Hollywood for a long time. That's how people got on shows. That's how they were writers.
Starting point is 02:03:38 There was a lot of f*cking really bad writers back in the day that were on sitcoms. You would think, hey think hey man you get to be a writer on like a friends or a seinfeld or something like that you got to be a really funny person by the way that's totally still a thing in writers rooms oh yeah tell me about that i mean there's you know a guy or two that i've worked with in the small roast writers world that I've worked in that are literally pulling a huge favor, man. Maybe the people feel bad for this guy, you know what I mean, or whatever.
Starting point is 02:04:17 But he's lazy and doesn't do much and sort of just gets to phone it in while everybody else is sort of writing the actual thing. Probably gets nothing in, you know what of just gets to like phone it in while everybody else is sort of like writing the actual thing probably gets nothing in you know what i mean it's a part of part of uh i think it's a part of that entire crazy world is there's always like a favor always there's always they have these teams and a lot of times comedy teams are like writer teams are one really funny guy and the other guy who writes the funny sh*t down yeah totally you got the funny guy wanders around the office scratches his beard and the other guy's writing sh*t down even if you watch six days to air like it's so f*cking you know matt and trey period while those other people are you know writers but you know barely tagging anything you totally see the Vision just puking.
Starting point is 02:05:06 He's just puking it out of his head, laughing. They're both laughing and adding to each other's thing. Then there's these other people that people are like... Yeah, but you need them too. In that environment, I think you need the occasional dusting and sprinkling. Totally. But that's a different situation because you've got a super yeah that trey parker dude's a super genius and so that's a that's one thing but like those sitcoms when you're working on a sitcom that's when it becomes like
Starting point is 02:05:37 really apparent and it's also one of the weird things about comedy writers is some comedy writers are stand-up comics but most of them are not so like where are they practicing all this comedy like whether you are you do you don't perform it but you know what's funny you sure are you sure are you sure something's funny because i write a lot of things down that i think is going to be funny and they're not really funny right like how do you practice you don't you get taken by people like me that get added to the writer's room and you get f*cking housed and it makes these people have to what do you mean you get taken i come in and all of a sudden i'm writing the jokes that are making it to the actual episode for example like there's
Starting point is 02:06:19 got to be some funny people you're working with too. Totally. Totally. But there, those people normally, by the way, are standup comedians as well. Right. There's a few gurus, but occasionally people have ideas that are not, they're not performers. They just,
Starting point is 02:06:34 they just write and they just are comedy writers and you just go, what is going on with this? Yeah. Some people work continuously. Some people are beasts. It's a very interesting business. But there's a couple people that get by on, I don't know how. It shocks me sometimes when I see a certain couple people
Starting point is 02:06:54 in another writer's room making writer's guilt. Writing alone is a fascinating enterprise. Making things up. Sitting down in front of a computer and making up scenarios making up people making up stories making up plots making up twists in the plots and characters and it's a f*cking crazy way to make a living it is weird it's like use your mind to formulate a world you know it's continuously asking yourself questions. You're like writing a trivia game and answering it at the same time.
Starting point is 02:07:28 Who's the character? What would he do? What is that? What would he smell like? What is this? What would he say? That's why comedy teams totally make sense. But I've met the comedy guy from the comedy team after they broke up. Like the one that got tired of the guy who's not
Starting point is 02:07:43 funny and said, what the f*ck am I doing with this guy? He got tired of just reading things to the guy and the other guy writes it down. I've met that guy too. Those guys are brutal. And you'll go, oh, you were a part of a team, huh? I met two guys like that. Joe and Joey or whatever that...
Starting point is 02:07:59 What? That want those two Italians. No, no, not comedians. I'm not talking about stand-ups. No. Now that's Italian. No, i'm talking about writers yeah there's uh i've met a bunch of those guys like when i i had a development deal a long time ago with this guy that uh he used to be a writer on friends and this dude had like bowling shoes on and uh he was a part of a comedy team the team broke up
Starting point is 02:08:24 and uh i met with the guy i was like he's wearing bowling shoes like you know trying to be like wacky like why is he wearing bowling shoes those aren't comfortable like nobody wants to wear bowling shoes like he was wearing bowling shoes because like bowling shoes is like he's so wacky he wears bowling shoes around the office and i was i was telling my manager i was like he's wearing f*cking bowling shoes i don't like it he's like are you serious yeah why is he wearing bowling shoes like we had this conversation like why do you care I go I care because it's like why would you you doing that because you want to be whack was you have an exploding tie like he's gonna like check out my carnation it squirts you like what is this guy what does he think is actually funny he gave us
Starting point is 02:09:02 the script and it was the worst piece of sh*t I've ever read. It was so bad. It was so bad. It was stunning. It was so bad that the network who recommended him, and they gave him a gigantic development deal after he left this sitcom. He might have left friends and went to another one. I forget what it was.
Starting point is 02:09:18 But they gave this cat a gigantic network deal, like a huge development deal. And this was the first thing that he delivered off this huge deal and everybody was like oh no and that's when the concept of the comedy team became apparent to me what oh there's two of them and the funny one left this guy behind and he's like f*ck this guy yeah and they're like no no he's very funny too and most importantly he understands story structure i go no no no he's, no, no, no, no. He's not funny. I go, this is definitely not funny. Well, you know, this is a first draft,
Starting point is 02:09:51 and you have to realize, nope, this is a terrible concept. Like, the concept was awful. It was about a guy who time travels, or he's immortal, and he was, yeah, that's what it was. He's immortal, and all he does is, like, get laid. Like, what? It's been around since ancient Egypt. He's like cursed in ancient Egypt so he can never die.
Starting point is 02:10:10 And he just gets laid. And the whole, or they're like looking at each other like what in the f*ck? And I go, yeah, well, this is on me. So good luck with all that.
Starting point is 02:10:19 I'm f*cking, I abandoned ship. It was hilarious. There's things like that. They get pitched every day. There's some guy who comes into an office, and I've had some f*cking terrible ideas myself. I've had some terrible ideas that I thought were good.
Starting point is 02:10:32 You write them out. You're like, this is it. And then you put it down for a couple weeks, come back to it, and you're like, what the f*ck was I thinking? Like, oh my God. I mean, what percentage of ideas that you start out with that you bring to the stage eventually wind up making it onto a special or making it into your act permanently?
Starting point is 02:10:51 Is it even half? Probably about, probably a little, probably about half. Yeah, I think so. Because I really don't try it unless I really, really think it's funny. And think that it fits with my tone and everything. But you have the possibility of working those things out. You know, hammering them out on stage. Like to really knock it out of the park with a comedy script.
Starting point is 02:11:19 And not ever practicing. That's one of the things that makes South Park so particularly special. It's like they're not even practicing it and turning it into like its best form they're kind of coming at you with this idea like the the initial idea i mean they've honed it they've cut it down they've edited it they've gone over it they've made it funnier i'm sure but like they don't get to do it like for six months in front of various crowds and watch it come to life you know if you think about guys like stephen king and all the sh*t that guy's made up just sits around and makes things up did you see his new show the the 11 29 about jfk assassination and time travel no i've never even heard of it. What's it on? It's great.
Starting point is 02:12:06 It's on Netflix. It is? Hulu. James Franco is like the star of it. What's it called again? 11-29? 11-23-63, I think. Oh, so it's the day he got shot.
Starting point is 02:12:18 It's like a six-part show. Yeah, it's fun. It does time travel. Franco's great in it. Dude, do you want to stop and think about all the f*cking amazing entertainment Stephen King has put out over the years? That guy's insane. I mean, Carrie, It, Salem's Lot, Christine. I mean, you can go on and on and on and on and on. Pet Cemetery. Maximum Overdrive. Yeah, I mean, that guy go on and on and on and on and on. Pet Cemetery.
Starting point is 02:12:46 Maximum overdrive. Yeah, I mean, that guy has made some sh*t. Misery. James Caan and Helen, what was her name? Kathy Bates. Kathy Bates. I was thinking of Helen Hunt. Because you put her in my head earlier.
Starting point is 02:13:00 Son of a bitch. Picking up those Twister balls. Yeah, man. God damn. Son of a bitch. Picking up those Twister balls. Yeah, man. God damn.
Starting point is 02:13:10 That one guy is responsible for so much iconic entertainment. Silver Bullet. Remember the kid in the wheelchair and the werewolf? Things are getting remade already, too. It's being remade right now. It's coming out this year. Who's remaking it? I mean, he's part of it.
Starting point is 02:13:23 You've got to talk right into the microphone. These mics suck uh Bill Skarsgård no I don't recognize anyone that's in it Bill Skarsgård is Pennywise Skarsgård
Starting point is 02:13:31 oh wow how much does that look like that guy who's putting uh the um the show together I don't know is it a movie
Starting point is 02:13:39 yeah it's a movie they're making a movie yeah but that's a book that's so long I've read that book it's a long book it yeah that's why when they had it on television
Starting point is 02:13:47 didn't they have it a multiple part mini series and it was that comic who the f*ck was that guy Tim wasn't it the guy from Rocky Horror Picture Show Tim Curry
Starting point is 02:14:03 he was the clown right wasn't he and do you know Tim Curry. Tim Curry. He was the clown, right? Yeah. Wasn't he? Yep. And do you know Tim Curry is in a wheelchair now, can barely talk, and he's like a vegetable almost. What happened? I think he had a stroke. Yeah, he had a really bad stroke.
Starting point is 02:14:18 No one really talks about that either. You don't really know that. I saw him in an interview, and I was like, what the f*ck happened to Tim Curry? Oh, that's a bummer. I didn't know that. You know Richard Daw know that. I saw him in an interview and I was like, what the f*ck happened to Tim Curry? Oh, that's a bummer. I didn't know that. Richard Dawkins had a stroke too. The scientist? The selfish meme?
Starting point is 02:14:34 You don't know who that guy is? He's a pretty famous atheist and scientist and author and he had a stroke but he recovered and it didn't affect his cognitive function, but it did affect the way his hands moved. He can't play the piano.
Starting point is 02:14:50 And it also affected, he can't, I think he can't sing anymore. He can't pull it off. Like he's diminished. But he still speaks, which is really interesting. The part of his brain that was affected by the stroke, it didn't f*ck him up to the point where he can't sing anymore or he can't talk anymore. He talks just as well as he always did.
Starting point is 02:15:13 Makes really lucid points. Still very smart. It's nuts how it's probably like a microscopic fraction of a difference, like a stroke, what it hits and what it doesn't hit. You know what I mean? Well, it could hit any portion of your brain, but the portion that it hit on his brain just affect motor skills apparently fortunately for him but f*ck man what a weird feeling to know that your body's just kind of like short circuiting like that you blew a fuse you know like i blew a circuit the other day
Starting point is 02:15:43 you know where you plug something in, it doesn't work. Like, what the f*ck? Then you go out to the circuit board. Oh, look at that. This f*cking flip. I'm sure the flip that sucker over and then it starts working again. And you got to think, man, that's kind of like your brain's almost like a biological circuit board. You know, there's a bunch of electricity going through there, a bunch of neurons firing,
Starting point is 02:16:05 all these cells in there, and every now and then one of them goes... And that can happen to you. Is Tim Conway still alive? That's a good question. His son was a really good radio host. Yeah, he still is, right? Conway and Steckler.
Starting point is 02:16:23 Tim Conway, alive and kicking. I love that guy. Yeah, Conway and Steckler. He's 83. Tim Conway, alive and kicking. I love that guy. Yeah, Conway and Steckler. They used to have a really good radio show on that FM talk station. I think he's still doing something. I heard him the other day on something. Tim Conway Jr. You never hear about him.
Starting point is 02:16:36 He would have a great podcast, that guy. Maybe he does. He does? Yeah, I typed in his name and it pops up. The Tim Conway. I think it's that show. Tim Conway Jr. On Demand, it says. I think it I typed in his name and it pops up. The Tim Conway. I think it's that show. Tim Conway Jr. On Demand, it says. I think it's just called his name.
Starting point is 02:16:50 Well, there you go. I did his show at Gang of Times way back in the day. Back when talk radio was crazy. They had a whole network, a whole radio station devoted to talk radio in LA. It was crazy. I remember listening to it. They went all talk. When I was on news radio, I'd be driving to work.
Starting point is 02:17:10 I'm like, this is great. They just talk. They would just have funny sh*t. Occasionally, they'd have a whack host. They let a few whack ones in there. Was it AM radio? No, FM. FM talk. Wow. He's on the air here, KFI AM 640 from 6 to 10 weekdays. And they take that.
Starting point is 02:17:31 Oh, he does the morning show. And they put that on at night, 6 to 10 p.m. Oh, 6 to 10 p.m. And they take that and put it as a podcast. He had a nighttime show back then, too. What happened to that Steckler guy? Is he still around? I don't know.
Starting point is 02:17:43 Apple Dumpling Gang. Apple Dumpling Gang. I, no. Apple dumpling gang. Apple dumpling. I don't even know about that. You always bring that up. I don't know what that reference. What is that reference to? Tim Conway and Don Knotts.
Starting point is 02:17:54 The movie. Your daughters would love it. Probably not. It's yeah. Have you gotten to show them any of my favorites? Beetlejuice. That's, that'd be a fun one to watch. They like that.
Starting point is 02:18:03 They like that a lot, but you know what they thought was f*cking hilarious? Talladega Nights. They were howling. A little inappropriate. A few inappropriate moments. A few inappropriate things they say, but goddamn, that f*cking show was funny. That movie, rather, was funny. Did you show Moana
Starting point is 02:18:17 or whatever it's called? Yeah, they loved that. That was amazing. Star Wars? Yeah, they've seen Star Wars. It's funny, I watched the old Star Wars. You watch the old Star Wars and then you watch the new Star Wars? Yeah, they've seen Star Wars. It's funny. I watched the old Star Wars. You watch the old Star Wars, then you watch the new Star Wars, and look, the special effects. They look like some school project. You know? I mean, it literally looks like something that a million kids could do better on the internet right now.
Starting point is 02:18:36 I wasn't a fan of the new one. I fell asleep like 15 times during it. I didn't see the newest new one. I saw the one before the new one where Han Solo dies. I didn't see the newest new one. I saw the one before the new one where Han Solo dies. I didn't see the newest new one. I liked the newest new one. I heard the newest new one was one of the best ones. Yeah, it definitely was.
Starting point is 02:18:51 Brian says no. I think it was boring as f*ck. Brian needed sleep that day. Yeah, you probably were. No, I even saw it in 3D. Maybe it was because it was in 3D. 3D's not good? No, the 3D was afterthought 3D.
Starting point is 02:19:05 You know, where they're like, yeah, let's makethought 3D. You know, like, we were there like, yeah, let's make a 3D. You know, it wasn't anything awesome. And I think I would rather not have seen it in 3D. I think maybe that might have been it. Because it was so boring that I just, and there was no 3D going on, so it was just like, my eyes are getting tired.
Starting point is 02:19:18 I just need to sleep. I kept on falling asleep. You sound unhealthy. No, no, but I thought it was just me. I thought it was something like I didn't have any sleep. But then people I've read on Twitter agree and said the same exact sh*t. It's probably people that follow
Starting point is 02:19:33 you and they're like, I'm sleepy too. I would like to see what you thought. I thought the acting was horrible. Really? Yeah. Horrible acting. I literally know nothing about it. You're a crazy person. Okay. You know what I'm excited for?
Starting point is 02:19:47 John Wick 2. Yeah. I'm down with that. I just saw a good movie last night. I shouldn't say good. It was pretty good. It wasn't great. That movie Split, which is getting a lot of news right now.
Starting point is 02:19:59 Oh, that's that M. Night Shyamalan with Ding Dong movie? Yeah, it did surprisingly well. f*ck that, dude. He keeps tricking me. I know, yeah. It wasn't one of those kind of like, oh, there's a big twist at the end. Everyone's saying there's a twist at the end. It's not that big of a f*cking surprise or anything like that.
Starting point is 02:20:12 But the movie itself was pretty interesting. It's about people with DID, which is Dissociative Identity Disorder, which is f*cking weird. I looked up some more stuff on it. If it's real, the way that this movie depicts it, f*cking weird. I looked up some more stuff on it. If it's real the way that this movie depicts it, f*cking insane. Well, people definitely have blown brains, you know? But that M. Night Shyamalan Ding Dong guy, he got me with that f*cking elevator movie.
Starting point is 02:20:38 I'm like, I'm going to watch the devil's in the elevator, man. I skipped a bunch of the movies. I'm like, you motherf*cker. I think the Marky Mark one where the elevator, man. I skipped a bunch of the movies. Oh my, you motherf*cker. I think the Marky Mark one where the trees kill people. Yeah, the trees come to life and kill folks. Yeah, he got me with that one too. He got me with the village. You know, the people that live in the village,
Starting point is 02:20:56 they find out there's planes flying over their head. They walk out to the road. It's walking distance. They didn't even bring food. Sixth Sense was cool. Signs was scary at points but really bad stop and think of how f*cking stupid that village concept was they had this village they thought they were living in the 1800s they're all bummed but meanwhile they're in modern america
Starting point is 02:21:14 okay and the way this is experiment the way they protect this experiment planes didn't fly over it oh okay well surely you must be no f*cking where near people because oh you're right over there oh you could just walk you could just walk to the town and they didn't find out about you all these years f*ck you yeah yeah fireworks fourth of july come on yeah there's gonna be something exactly the f*ck out of here bitch i don't think i saw the village now that i think about it it's so stupid it was so stupid. I thought it was about monsters, too. The monsters are taking people.
Starting point is 02:21:48 It's like people dressed like monsters. If you want your heart to beat, watch a movie called Don't Breathe. Unbelievable. A movie about a bunch of punk, cool, smart, thief kids that are coming up and on a good run of robberies. They see that this former vietnam vet uh won like a ton of money in a lawsuit and someone close to him at the bank said that he took it all out in cash and has it in his house like so they got this hot tip that this guy has like a couple million
Starting point is 02:22:17 in cash in his house and he's some old old vietnam vet so let's do that. And then they go, don't say anymore. Okay. Spoiler alert. What the f*ck dude? No, that's it. That's literally the setup. I showed you the trailer for this on the podcast and I mistakenly said it was the guy from the Kevin Smith movie and you called it out as the guy from avatar, like the general.
Starting point is 02:22:36 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's now I remember it. Yeah. Don't breathe. You know what else is supposed to be really good.
Starting point is 02:22:41 There's a zombie movie that I think was made in England. I think it's called a girl with all the gifts and it's about uh a kid that's a zombie like there's a disease and uh these people get it and it's like some it turns them frantic and this one girl i think they're using according to the the, they're using her to make a vaccine. But these f*cking pandemic disease movies where people go crazy and start killing each other, they seem a little scarier now that Trump's in office. Are you serious about that Trump getting a mask thing? Like how great that would be.
Starting point is 02:23:20 I am your president. Dude, you should have been here the inauguration night. Inauguration night, we did a podcast in here with Jeff Ross, and Jeff Ross was freaking me out. He knows Trump. He roasted Trump. He's like, he's never leaving. He's going to be there for 20 years, and he'll leave, but he'll make sure that somebody who's his friend gets elected, and he'll be his advisor, and he'll be right there with him. Then his son will get in.
Starting point is 02:23:48 He's like, that's it. It's over now. He's in. That's so funny. Wow. And then the moment he gets in, he takes the LBGT page off the White House, and he takes the civil rights page off the White House. No, that happens with every presidential change. I read a whole thing about that.
Starting point is 02:24:04 They take the LBGT page out.BGT. They take everything from everybody's thing and completely scratch it. And then they put up the new page with the new president who doesn't give a f*ck about LBGT, who doesn't give a f*ck about climate change, and who doesn't give a f*ck about civil rights. Same thing. Still the same thing, no matter what.
Starting point is 02:24:22 Like what he decided to remove and not replace. But I think it's like a process though, right? Is it? I think so. You don't think they would have a website in place? I read a whole thing and maybe I can, again, I can't cite the source because like I told you earlier, I'm smoking twice as much weed as I ever have before in my life. So like, but I read that that's a thing that happened when Barack took office.
Starting point is 02:24:51 Like, a lot of this stuff, by the way, that's happening is stuff that is a very regular thing. Like, people are freaking out about his cabinet picks, but I read a whole thing on that where it's like, yeah, that's how this stuff works. Like, you still have to get approved by the Senate. His cabinet picks tell a lot about his intentions, you know the guy the former exxon ceo and but don't you think that's sort of good to have do you know that he put a five-year like he's the first president to say that you can't just go join lobbies and you can't get rich you're not going to get rich off of me so i think maybe if that guy who he interviewed who's trump known for hiring people that's like what his specialty is. If he hired that guy for a reason and if it's because he's such a f*cking freak that he might be one of the people to fix the economy.
Starting point is 02:25:34 Look how much money he made Mobile X on. I'm just saying that if he's right, then f*ck, that'd be so great. I'm rooting for the guy. It seems scary. If he's right about what? That'd be so great. I'm rooting for the guy. It seems scary and stuff, but I think he has a plan. If he's right about what? See, the problem is, like, everyone knows there's a real transparent deal that Obama blocked where Exxon was trying to drill. And they were trying to make this deal with Russia.
Starting point is 02:25:55 And Exxon, they got co*ck-blocked by Obama. And now that Obama's out, and then the former Exxon CEO is in. bomb was out and then the former exxon ceo is in like and people are wondering like is are they doing something that the environmentalists think could potentially be a huge disaster and are they doing it for profit i don't know i don't follow it enough that's when i'm not optimistic though that's when i get nervous you know but then again like things like this dakota pipeline you know about that right the dakota pipeline they were trying i mean they f*cking did man they arrested people for trying to protest them this government decided and uh this easem*nt they decided to put through people's private land these are these guys had ranchers there's a river that runs through
Starting point is 02:26:41 that and they wanted to drill this pipeline right under the river. And if it blew, which they do all the time, if it goes bad, this whole river system gets totally poisoned. And they successfully blocked it. But people had to put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into it. And they had a protest for a long time. They got shot at with water hoses and freezing cold weather. weather that happened under obama's watch though right yep so i mean it's one of those things where it's like absolutely at least we're learning that if you do have to make some sacrifices and protest in a certain situation like that that maybe it will work i guess it is interesting that it happened under obama's watch and he didn't do jack sh*t about it
Starting point is 02:27:22 and he didn't freak out he had to have been aware he had to know that these people are they're protesting a very dangerous situation it's all f*cked up man there's so much profit to be made and then these guys have to think hey you know if we don't do this then we're reliant upon the salt number nine is gold underwear you know because that's the only place where we're going to get our oil from right we have to get our oil from the middle east should we get it ourselves should we get it this way is that better is it better for our country how do we do it without f*cking up the environment can you prove to me that we're not going to f*ck up the environment and then they think they do and then they go out and they go oh sir we've got a problem earthquakes have increased by 500 percent earthquakes what do
Starting point is 02:27:59 you mean earthquakes well we didn't uh uh anticipate this but apparently when you frack and drill holes in the ground the earth shifts and we have uh some serious earthquakes and unfortunately because of that shifting some of that sh*t has gotten into the water supply and that's where that's where they are right now in oklahoma oklahoma they're having a f*ck ton of earthquakes and they're trying to figure out what to do because these guys are just digging holes in the ground i mean we're crazy monsters we're like termites we're termites we're digging holes into the ground and we're sucking up all the juicy stuff so we can light fires that's what we're doing we're lighting fires we're lighting gas fires and oil fires we just contain them inside these metal blocks i mean that, that's what we're doing. What we need all this stuff for is combustion engines and to make plastic so we can choke birds.
Starting point is 02:28:51 That's what we're doing. We're choking birds. Choking birds and lighting fires. They're going to tap our natural resources on federal lands according to the first energy plan on the White House website. lands according to the first energy plan on the white house website says we have uh this is the quote from we must take advantage of the estimated 50 trillion dollars in untapped shale oil and natural gas reserves especially those on the federal lands that the american people own and that's super interesting and it's kind of terrible thing that's a terrible thing yeah that's a terrible thing because that's what we're talking about with teddy roosevelt the public land and having public land and how it's such a huge issue and such a an amazing resource
Starting point is 02:29:29 like places like yellowstone like all these places where you can go and hike and camp and fish and and hunt and do whatever you want enjoy this insane piece of nature that we have here this insane piece of wilderness we have an here, this insane piece of wilderness. We have an amazing public land system in this country and there's a bunch of people that are working really hard to keep that in place,
Starting point is 02:29:52 but when they start talking about taking out the natural resources and drilling into it and sh*t, it doesn't look good. All right, everybody's checking their watches. Time to get out of here. It's 1234.
Starting point is 02:30:04 We did enough. We did like two hours, right? Two and a half hours. Jesus Christ. Enough. Enough already. Okay, everybody. Bye.
Starting point is 02:30:13 Say bye. Bye. Say bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. We'll probably do this again. Hey, maybe the next one we'll do, we'll try to do on stage.
Starting point is 02:30:20 Who knows? Or we'll sneak one in here where we don't have people coming down and knocking on the door and trying to take selfies in front of the door. Hey, come see me do stand-up comedy. Me? Me. Not you. Me see you? No, I'm talking to the listeners. Oh. Are you looking in my
Starting point is 02:30:33 eyes? You come. Where am I going? Where am I going? San Antonio this weekend. Jesus, Texas? Texas? Yeah. All weekend. San Antonio, Chicago, Calgary. The River Center Improv. All these dates are at TonyHinchcliffe.com. I didn't even know that existed. San Antonio has an improv? Yeah. All weekend. San Antonio, Chicago, Calgary. We're at San Antonio? The River Center Improv. All these dates are at TonyHinchcliffe.com. I didn't even know that existed.
Starting point is 02:30:48 San Antonio has an improv? Yeah. We're going to the Royal Rumble on Sunday. Me and a whole gang of people here. Wow. We're in there all doing the shows with me. It's like a dream weekend. Brian's making gay...
Starting point is 02:30:57 Oh, yeah. The guy that falls asleep in movies because he's got the body of a... Go on, Brian. TonyHinchcliffe.com for all those tour dates. TonyHinchcliffe.com, ladies and gentlemen. Brian, where for art thou? How about this? February 1st, Comedy Store Main Room and
Starting point is 02:31:13 some other sh*t, go to DeathSquad.tv. DeathSquad.tv, you sons of bitches. Joe Rogan just did Kill Tony. I just did Kill Tony. Listen to us judge young comedians in Kill Tony episode 200 is coming up in the main room in March.
Starting point is 02:31:27 And the Kill Tony we did today was a good one. The girl at the end, what was her name? Kirsten. What is it? Dirty comic. Dirty hippie comic.
Starting point is 02:31:36 Dirty hippie comic. That's a dirty hippie comic on Twitter. She's f*cking hilarious. Yeah. She's really funny. She was good. She killed me.
Starting point is 02:31:43 And we filmed tonight in vr so there's two streams jesus christ what more do you want you f*cks got it all right folks that's it i'll see you soon bye
